


A Spotless Rose

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood and Violence, Boarding School, Catholic Guilt, Catholic School, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Come Eating, Demonic Possession, Demons, Enthusiastic Consent, Eventual Smut, Exorcisms, F/M, Flashbacks, Fridge Logic, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mild Gore, Mild Kylux, Mutual Masturbation, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Alternating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Imbalance, Priest Kylo Ren, Recreational Drug Use, Religious Content, Rey is 16, Sexual Repression, Slow Burn, Somnophilia, Supernatural Elements, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Prostitution, Unresolved Sexual Tension, dubcon, suddenly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-07-07 14:47:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15910428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Former exorcist and current Catholic school teacher Ben Solo goes to great lengths to hide away the awful things lurking in his soul. But when he meets new student Rey Niima, they can’t help but come to light.





	1. Ave Maria

**Author's Note:**

> LOOK GUYS I DID THIRD PERSON WHATTTTTT
> 
> i'm just another soul ruined by a heady mixture of catholicism and protestantism

The corruption of The Reverend Father Ben Solo began on a crisp September morning.

A fresh crop of students had arrived for the new school year; a promising new gaggle of giggling girls and obnoxious boys. They clung in their little groups, eyeing each other from afar, slaves to the hormones now oozing from every pore. Many of them had never seen a real school before, some were from public school, and some had attended St. Mary’s since kindergarten.

Ben had. He grew up in a Catholic school and decided to join the seminary as an ordained priest. He liked the way it could keep his demons at bay. He’d even served in Rome as a professional exorcist, purifying people after modern medicine failed. Exorcisms were far from pleasant affairs and the work wore him down.

So he became a teacher at St. Mary’s, instructing a tenth-grade math class and helping the mock trial team after school. He had to keep busy. If he didn’t keep busy—

 “Um… sir?”

A soft, nervous little voice disturbed him. He opened one eye, long arms slung across the back of his bench. This was his favorite spot to wait for class to begin: right under an old oak tree, where pigeons cooed and fed on rice he kept in his pockets. Thirty-five going on sixty.

She wore the same blue skirt and white stockings he’d seen a thousand times. Her wispy brown hair hung in three messy buns that he’d have to chide her for later. He raised an eyebrow, willing her to speak. Her hazel eyes flickered to the notebooks in her arms and her freckled cheeks flushed pink.

 “I’m Rey,” she blurted. “I… I don’t know where to go.” She chewed her inner cheek. “Uh… I’m new. I was homeschooled.”

Ben eyed her knobby scraped knees and frayed pink backpack. Ugh—one of _those_ homeschooled kids. She probably had freaks for parents. Her British accent hinted that she was adopted as well.

He checked his watch and rose from the bench, towering over Rey. She took a sharp step back, rubbing her worn black shoes together. The straps were just as deeply worn through as her bookbag.

 “What grade?” he asked.

Rey went into a bit of a panic and dropped her armful of books. Ben pushed his glasses up his long nose and sighed before crouching to help her, risking dirtying his clothes. He wore all black: the only point of white was the square patch on his clerical collar. He hated dirt.

A raven croaked from the dead tree swaying softly above the bench. The pigeons had flown away, leaving Ben and Rey quite alone in the courtyard. He studied her a bit closer, noting some bruises on her upper arms and cracked, scabbed lips. She chewed them a lot.

Rey panted an apology. “I’m—I’m so sorry, sir!”

 “It’s okay. Relax.” He picked a twig off her shoulder. “Don’t you have a coat?”

 “…I forgot it.” She rummaged in her school-issue green sweater and produced a crumpled schedule. “I’m in tenth grade; Miss… Phasma?”

Ben slung his messenger bag over his arm and nodded toward the school. “ _Sister_ Phasma, Miss...?”

 “Niima. Niima. I’m Miss Niima.”

 “Right.” He offered his hand for a shake, then remembered what a klutz the girl was. “I’m Father Ben. I’ll be teaching trigonometry. Be sure to call your female teachers ‘Sister’—they’re all nuns, so it’s courtesy here.”

 “Oh—my bad.” She eyed his clerical collar. “Are you a priest?”

Ben nodded. “Yes, I am, hence the title ‘Father.’ It’s going to seem odd saying it the first few days, but you’ll get used to it.”

They walked into the enormous gray stone building, through double wooden doors that were several hundred years old. The school had been a church many, many years back and present sat near farmland used to grow corn. Most of the students had wealthy parents, but some were brought in with scholarships. Ben assumed Rey was one of those students.

She clicked down the long corridor beside him in her worn shoes, past glass cases of trophies and along old lockers, until they arrived at Sister Phasma’s classroom. It was the only home room for tenth-graders, because there was only one class per grade level. Tuition was twelve-thousand a year for a reason—and that didn’t include room and board.

Ben knocked on the door. “Enjoy your first day of school, Miss Niima. I’ll see you…” He shifted his sleeve, eyebrow raised. “In three hours.”

Rey beamed. “Math is my favorite class!”

Sister Phasma opened the door and warmly greeted Rey. She thanked Ben for dropping her off and shut the door as the slip of a girl stepped inside. Ben hovered for a moment, then strolled off to his classroom with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his lips. Nice kid.

—————

Rey took her seat in homeroom with her backpack on the floor, which was apparently not the right place for it. She had to go back out to her locker and fool around with the combination until Sister Phasma sent someone to help her.

Finn smiled while Rey nervously flexed her sweaty palms. She wanted to go home, even if her foster father was a huge jerk. These kids wore nice clothes and all knew each other and she was the weird new kid. She wiped her palms on her green skirt and thanked Finn.

He leaned on the next locker. “Solo talked to you, huh?”

Rey blinked, lost. Solo?

 “Oh, sorry— _Father Ben._ ” Finn barked a laugh and rubbed under his nose. “He’s not super chatty. You got him to smile, too. Call him Father to his face, but we call him Solo behind his back.”

Rey thought that was kind of rude, but she definitely wanted to make friends. She thought about Father Ben’s long, pale face and black hair, and wondered why he looked so melancholy. SAT word. She’d been brushing up for weeks so she could ace the PSATs.

Finn introduced her to Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, and Jessika Pava in the crowded hall after class. Jessika had the collar of her top unbuttoned down to her cleavage and her socks weren’t the same height on her tan calves. Rose had everything prim and proper where it should be and she spent a lot of time staring at Finn. Poe had wavy dark hair and wide dark eyes and a bright smile that lit up the room. He and Finn laughed about _everything._

Shoes clicked toward Rey. She smiled at her new friends, happy to be involved, when she sensed someone looming behind her and smelled aftershave. She stiffened and slowly turned to look up… and up… and up…

Father Ben had an eyebrow raised toward Jessika. She quickly buttoned up her top and leaned over to fix her socks. Poe tucked in his shirt, grumbling an apology. Clearly they were intimidated by him just like Rey was. That was a relief.

 “Fitting in well, I see,” Father Ben murmured. He smiled down at Rey and she smiled back, shifting on her shoes. He brushed by, but nudged Finn with an elbow. “Shave your beard, Mister Johnson, or I’ll do it for you.”

Poe snickered and earned a punch from Finn.

Rey had an easy enough day: she went to English, then history, and French. They ate lunch on picnic tables in the courtyard under the oak trees finally shedding their leaves for the winter. Finn and Poe chased each other around, rolling in piles of damp, crinkly leaves, and Finn found a wolf spider on his arm. He hollered and Rose rushed to save him.

Rey chewed thoughtfully on her peanut butter sandwich. This was nice—having friends.

Her gaze wandered to the cobblestone pathway that led to the school’s front doors. Father Ben walked alongside another man dressed in black with his red hair parted neatly to the side. He had a clerical collar, too. She squinted at them until Father Ben caught her staring. Rey quickly turned back to her soggy sandwich, feigning innocence.

Poe swung by to sit beside Rey in the shade, laughing at Finn dancing away from the spider. He leaned forward to slip off his maroon sweater and offered it to Rey, panting slightly from horsing around with Finn. Rey blinked at him.

 “You’re shivering,” he explained. He dropped the sweater in her lap and patted her back. “And I’m sweaty from chasing dipshit around.”

Rey reddened. “Um… thanks.”

 “No prob.” He jumped back to his feet and stretched, showing off someone of his tan stomach. “Don’t steal it like Kaydel always does.”

Rey watched him take off to harass Finn some more. Jessika giggled from the bench and went back to her book, _Wuthering Heights,_ when Rey glanced her way. She put on the warm, oversized sweater and returned to studying her schedule for the year. It smelled like Axe and damp grass.

Lunch ended and everyone headed inside for math. Rey tried to offer Poe his sweater but he refused to take it until the end of the day. Rose elbowed Rey too hard in the ribs, trying to be sneaky, and apologized profusely.

 “Sorry—sorry!” She peered over her shoulder at Finn and leaned in close. “He’s in eleventh grade, you know. He’s seventeen. He dated my sister Paige last year. She’s nineteen. He gets around.”

 “I’m not interested in him,” Rey muttered. She was, just a little. She’d never gotten attention from boys like that before.

 “Oh—okay. I’m just warning you.”

They walked into trig and sat with Finn. The classroom was small with worn desks carved crazy with initials and insults and the occasional penis. The walls had fewer posters than the other rooms and Father Ben had a very neat desk without a paper out of place. Rey rearranged her books a few times and clasped her hands on the table.

St. Mary’s picked her from a list of promising students to receive free boarding and education. It gave her a way to escape Unkar and she was determined not to lose it.

Her brooding math teacher entered the classroom with a book under his arm. It dropped carelessly to the desk and Rey squinted. _The Screwtape Letters._ Screwtape? What the heck was that?

Father Ben ran a hand through his shoulder-length black hair. “Welcome back to school. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Father Ben or Father. I am not Ben. I am not Mister-anything.”

Finn raised his hand, smirking. “How about Your Reverence?”

A low laugh passed through the class. Rose rolled her eyes at Finn as Father Ben turned on the SmartBoard, not giving Finn a second glance.

 “Open your books to chapter three.”

Brand new textbooks cracked as their spines bent for the first time. Rey looked around and tried to hide hers with her arm so no one would see how old and frayed it was. Rose had an array of pink pens on her desk and a color-coded planner in her lap. Rey glanced at her old belongings and chewed the scabs on her lower lip.

 “Something wrong, Miss Niima?”

Her teacher stood right beside her desk, large hands knitted loosely before him. Rey shrank from his deep, penetrating voice and he took it upon himself to flip her textbook to the right chapter. He pressed a long finger along the worn page and hesitated for a moment.

But Father Ben carried on without another word. He didn’t use PowerPoints, so hasty note taking was a must. Rey frantically opened her spiral bound notebook and wrote as fast as she could with the only pencil she could find at home. Her teacher circled the back of the room, droning like he was just as bored as everyone else.

The lead snapped. Rey flinched at the sound in the quiet classroom and moved to sharpen it. Maybe she could sneak to the back _real_ quick and her terrifying new teacher wouldn’t—

A black pen was thrust before her. She hung her head in shame and accepted the gesture from Father Ben, who continued on his path down the row of desks. Rey went back to taking notes and heard Finn’s desk creak behind her.

 “You’re on his radar,” Finn whispered, tone half amused and half pitying. “Not a good place to be, peanut.”

Rey swallowed hard, watching her teacher write a proof on the SmartBoard. Day one and she was already messing up.

—————

 “Um… sir?”

Ben didn’t glance up. He made a habit of refusing to address students unless they used his proper title. Being called Mister Solo made him particularly angry. Just another reminder of his piece of _shit_ father.

But it was Miss Niima—he could tell by the faint scent of grass and detergent. He grunted, too distracted by solitaire to grace her with a glance.

She shuffled to stand behind his computer. “I’m sorry I wasn’t prepared for class today.”

Ben shrugged. “There’s a sharpener in the corner, but I assumed you’d prefer to use a pen. Pencil is very messy.” He dragged a card across the screen, bored to tears. “You should go to your next class. The nuns despise tardiness.”

 “Okay.” Rey hovered, finger the strap of her backpack. “Thanks for showing me to class. I forgot to say it earlier.”

This time Ben peered at her over the rim of his glasses, mildly curious about her. She had to be the most pitiful little creature he’d seen in several years of teaching. He’d seen worse during exorcisms: contorted women spewing hateful shit with their mouths agape and foaming. This girl had an air of fragility about her, like one of those delicate spindly Greek statues.

Her clothes hung over her wiry frame like they’d be draped on. The sweater belonged to Mister Dameron, who was well-known for wooing innocent girls, and Ben wondered…

His mind twisted and turned, drinking in Rey’s small jaw and nervous smile; her skinny little fingers and the lilt in her voice when she addressed him. These weren’t thoughts that normally plagued him. He had no interest in high school girls and had stopped masturbating years back. He hoped it would help keep his heart clear.

A brief curiosity passed through him: her bony fingers threaded through his. The touch of a woman—the touch of this impossibly breakable girl babbling anxiously at his blank stare.

Ben cleared his throat, interrupting her. “Fine. Go to class, Miss Niima.”

Rey skittered from the classroom without another word. Ben played solitaire for two more minutes before he gave up and took out his study Bible. He flipped to Psalms to clear his head and drown out the vague intrigue Rey Niima had stirred.


	2. Hail Mary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains depiction of an exorcism, brief mention of rape

The first exorcism was one of the worst.

Ben had arrived in Rome several months prior to the incident. He’d taken his vows and begun his training in the clergy, living a simple life in a small apartment near his university. Most days he meditated on the Bible, reading from page to page, trying to find a cure for the rot creeping across his soul.

His uncle, Father Luke, arrived on Ben’s dusty doorstep on a cool fall afternoon. He wore a black cap and his clerical collar and leaned on a walking stick. Stray cats seemed to follow him down the cobblestone path, mewling for food.

Luke looked haggard and old. His sprawling gray beard spread in a wild tangle across gaunt cheeks, and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Ben leaned on his rickety wooden door and invited his uncle in for a cup of tea.

 _“_ I need your help, Ben,” Luke had said in a low, empty tone. “Come along with me.”

Years had passed since Uncle Luke left the States to live in Rome. Ben dressed in his clerical clothes as well and the two left his small apartment behind. The stray cats growled as Ben passed.

 “So, where exactly are we going?” Ben asked, hands in his pockets. He skirted a pair of laughing children running by. “I mean, it’s been years since you even _spoke_ to my mother.”

 “Where we need to be,” Luke replied. His misty gaze stayed ahead, looking at something beyond the human eye.

There was no point in trying to puzzle out what Ben’s notoriously cryptic uncle was getting at. He rolled his eyes, still not as patient as he should be, and continued alongside Luke in silence. He’d tell Leia later and she’d throw a fit: _“Why_ didn’t you make him call me, Benjamin?!”

So he had _that_ to look forward to.

Luke led his nephew through a maze of tight apartment buildings, down steps and through groups of stray cats. The street sounds faded into the distance as they drew deeper into darkness and cold, until Luke stopped in front of a very ordinary door.

He rapped twice. Ben turned about, raising his eyes to the sky and back down to the cracked cobblestone street. He’d no idea what his crazy uncle wanted, and if it was some fucking tea party with one of his friends—

The worn wooden door creaked open. Warm light spilled outside as an elderly woman peered through the crack, curling her long fingers around the edge, and narrowed her gray eyes.

Luke addressed her in Italian. Ben knew enough to get by, but had no clue what they were saying otherwise. He smiled when the woman shot him a glance and grumbled irately as she slipped back inside her dark home. Locks clicked and opened and she widened the door a couple inches more.

 “Come in,” she croaked in a heavy accent.

A faint scent like lavender and blood wafted from within. Ben stiffened, alarmed by the stench, but Luke proceeded inside without hesitation. The hair rose on Ben’s nape; ice water in his veins. He should not be here.

 “Uh—Uncle Luke?” Ben called, hesitating in the doorway. He bent to step inside. “What exactly are we doing here?”

The soft sound of a younger woman’s voice drifted from somewhere in the small apartment. The old woman hissed at Ben in Italian and yanked him inside—something about a draft—and he stumbled past the foyer. She shut the door behind him and gathered her gray bathrobe about her.

Something somber hung over the space. Ben followed the strange woman through cramped shelves of old dolls and needlework out to a round living room. The further he walked, the worse the uneasy feeling became. It seeped through his skin like a poison in the air and he was overcome with the urge to run the hell away.

Ben swallowed thickly. “I’m leaving. I have to go.”

 “Ben—come here. Meet Maria.”

Luke sounded calm enough. Ben took short, sharp breaths to brace himself, afraid of inhaling the reek in the house, and edged into the living room.

A very pregnant young woman sat on a faded green sofa with her hands clasped in her lap. Her dark eyes gazed listlessly ahead, rimmed red, filled with tears. The older woman sat beside her and Luke on the ottoman in front, trying to meet her eyes. Her greasy brown hair hung in curls, framing a gaunt, unnatural face.

Ben stopped. He stared at the girl, spine prickling at the sight of her. Evil things lived in this home.

 “Maria,” Luke said gently, “I brought my nephew Ben, to help with the exorcism. I think this should do the trick.”

 “ _Exorcism?!_ ” Ben echoed.

Maria cried into her hands. Ben tried to get a hold of himself but he was too livid and confused for logic. Exorcism?! Those were pseudoscience; unproven bullshit to explain away mental illness.

Luke patted Maria’s hands and rose to speak with Ben in the kitchen. Maria leaned over to cry into the old woman’s shoulder.

 “I’m not performing an exorcism!” Ben snapped, pacing the dark kitchen. “I can’t believe you’d drag me into this nonsense. What if she gets hurt?!”

Luke kept his composure. “This is the final treatment. Maria has signed the appropriate waivers and already seen many doctors, Ben. I’ve already seen the demon myself, and you’ll see him, too.”

 “I’m not touching her.” Ben folded his arms. He shook his head furiously and bit back the rage he had from childhood. “I can’t believe you.”

Luke sat in one of the rickety kitchen chairs. He stayed quiet for a moment, thinking.

 “Maria was raped by her father,” he said after a long while. “And impregnated. He committed suicide afterwards.” Luke raised his blue eyes to Ben’s, smiling sadly. “The demon found a new host in Maria—and it will move on to her son next.”

Still, Ben staunchly refused. He insisted she needed to see more professionals, but gave up and agreed to watch the exorcism from afar. Luke led him back to the living room and asked Maria to explain her symptoms to Ben.

She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Scratches. A voice—a man in the back of my head.” Her eye twitched. “Nightmares.”

The girl needed a counselor, not an exorcism. Ben bit his tongue and thanked her in Italian. Maria bent her neck and whispered to herself, flexing her small hands on her jeans. Her nails scratched along the material.

Luke rose and removed a small Bible and a crucifix. The old woman helped Maria off the couch, seating her in the middle of the living room, and quietly performed the sign of the cross. She returned to her seat and bowed her head in prayer. Ben raised an eyebrow at the display.

Luke began reading a passage.

Maria jerked her head once, still bowed toward her thighs. Her fingers arched and tapped irately as Luke continued into the next line of verse, meant to draw out the demon. Ben watched her nails rake across her legs and heard a low, guttural growl rumble from the small girl’s throat. His chest tightened.

Luke leaned closer to press the cross briefly to Maria’s forehead. She screamed like nothing Ben had ever heard before, forcing him to cover his ears and squeeze his eyes shut. The cross drew back and she collapsed on her side in a frenzied fit as if she were having a violent seizure. Black ooze drooled from the corner of her mouth, but Luke kept reading, voice growing louder.

Ben panicked at the sight and almost intervened. Maria’s small frame shook and her head tossed side to side, arching her back until it reached an unnatural angle. She remained that way for a full minute with her bare pregnant stomach on display. Her closed eyes trembled.

Maria barked a laugh, spewing black fluid on her chest. “FUCK MARY.” Her neck twisted and she writhed in place, screaming and laughing in a voice alternating between baritone and falsetto. She mocked Luke’s prayer. “Fuck the Church, fuck God, fuck you!”

Luke carried on and pressed the cross to her forehead again. She shrieked and clawed at the carpet, groaning and hissing, either truly possessed or deeply disturbed.

Ben stared as Maria’s eyes rolled open to gaze at him across the room. She licked her lips, writhing weakly in place, and Luke seemed a million miles away. Bile rose in Ben’s throat—this was _not right._

Her moaned words dropped to the unnatural demonic voice as she watched him with hooded, sultry eyes. “...Rape me.”

Luke pressed the cross to her forehead again and the demon screamed back to life, cursing Luke and God and whatever else it could think of. Ben trembled and stepped back as Luke demanded to know the demon’s name, refusing to let up until it told him. Maria vomited black bile again and the name came screaming out.

 “BAAL!” she howled in a guttural voice. Her back arched up high. “BAAL!”

Luke stepped back. Maria took a raspy, quivering breath and collapsed on her back once again. The elderly woman sobbed and rushed to her side with a blanket, helping her sit up, and Luke knelt at her side to help, too. Maria clung to his arm and cried, but repeated the same word over and over in Italian. Ben had no clue what it was.

He left the small apartment without another word and vomited just outside the door. A raven croaked from the trellis.

—————

Rey’s bedroom was right next to Rose’s, which was great, because Rose was pretty cool. They set up their things together, organizing their desks and tugging sheets on their beds, and Rey watched Rose put out her decorations.

 “It’s not bad here,” Rose said as she fluffed out her pink area rug. “Boring, but not bad. If you need anything just let me know. I can send a text home and let my parents know.”

Rey smiled. She’d curled up in her favorite ratty pajamas and had a pint of Cherry Garcia, courtesy of her new friend Rose. The school had a small stipend for her to spend on things like decorations and pillows, but Rey was as frugal as she was determined to succeed, and put it all away in savings. She could get by with what she had.

Rey picked at her ice cream. “So, what’s the deal with our math teacher?”

 “Father Ben?” Rose clarified. “Nothing really, he’s just crabby all the time. Wants our uniforms perfect, hates dirt… likes math.” She shrugged and laughed, totally indifferent. “I don’t know.”

 “Oh… Finn said I’m on his radar.”

 “Definitely.” Rose picked around in her plastic bin of goodies, lips puckered. “He used to be an exorcist, y’know. Like in the movie. But he won’t talk about it, so don’t bother asking.”

An exorcist—wow! Rey immediately thought of _The Exorcist_ and raised her eyebrows. Jeez. He definitely looked gloomy enough for it.

Rose held up a string of lights. “Okay, you need some of these in your room, too.”

—————

  _“Rape… me…”_

Screaming, Ben jerked upright in bed.

Sweat glistened on his trembling forearms as he fought to catch his breath. He rubbed a hand over his tight chest and ran both hands through his tangled black hair, gulping for air. Okay. He was okay. He’d met Maria over a decade ago—fuck, that baby was a _preteen._

He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. No more exorcisms. Most nights he kept the light on in his bedroom and he had a black Great Dane named Artoo asleep beside him, snoring and drooling on the bedspread. Some use he was.

Ben slipped out of bed, padding through his small stone house to the bathroom down the hall. He had one bedroom, one bathroom, and a porch to watch the sunrise and sunset. That was all he needed.

He flicked the light on and studied his pale reflection in the mirror, from his dark eyes down to the red friction marks on his chest. Demons slipped in through the cracks. They could be transferred like a sickness if one got too close and had enough damage to their soul.

Ben splashed his face with cold water and ignored the ache of his bladder. That meant he’d have to touch the throbbing annoyance in his briefs and he was terrified of doing _that._ He shuddered and leaned over the sink, letting the water swirl down the drain. No one touched Ben—not even Ben.

Whimpering roused his attention. He glanced over at Artoo peering into the bathroom and the dog offered a shy wave of his tail. Ben smiled and flicked off the bathroom light. He scratched behind Artoo’s ears on their way back to the bedroom, and the gangrenous memories continued eroding him from the inside out.


	3. Dies Irae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay here's some warnings  
> implied underage sex, drug use, and a weird masturbation scene

Jesus _Christ,_ this felt good.

Ben pumped his cock fast and hard, lanky teenage body bent over his twin bed, watching porn on his TV and jerking off into his mother’s panties. He had his sweatpants down to his ankles and the fan blowing on him to drown out the slick sound of his palm furiously stroking his length. It was too hard and too fast, but he wanted it to hurt.

He panted and watched the blonde woman’s face screw up with pain, and jerked closer to his bed. He’d stolen the lube from the drug store down the street, pissed off and horny as usual, skin crawling with the need to be touched and touch. Ben tried to keep his thoughts from wandering to _touch_ ; he tried to suffocate that need with pain instead.

 “Fuck,” he spat. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair, glaring down at Leia’s big white panties. He couldn’t punch her in the fucking face, so this would work.

Afternoon sun slanted through his blinds. Other kids his age laughed and bounced a basketball down the cul de sac, but Ben had already learned too early about the addictive high of masturbating. It made him angry. He hated being gangly and awkward and covered in moles and pimples. He was too fucking pale; nose too big; hands and feet too big—and he had all this _need_ screaming under his skin that a girl wouldn’t help him with.

Someone else would. After church.

“ _BENJAMIN!_ ”

It was too late. Huffing and grunting, skin prickled with goosebumps, he came all over his mother’s panties while she watched in horror from the door. Ben groaned and stroked his cum out to the last drop, not hesitating even when Leia screamed for Han to _get the hell up here_! His dad came upstairs and gave Ben the ass-kicking of his life.

He laid in his bed when it was over and listened to his mother cry downstairs about calling a therapist again. Han comforted her in his gruff way. The porno VHS Ben borrowed from his friend Armitage lay smashed to hell on the carpet.

Bruised and sore, Ben wiped blood from his mouth. His cock twitched.

—————

Rey watched Father Ben closely for the next few weeks. She wanted to know more about him, but she wasn’t about to start a conversation. He liked his privacy and didn’t like being bugged by students, so she wanted to make sure she respected that. She understood how he felt.

In math she kept her posture straight and her eyes on the board, and never hesitated to answer a question. He smiled once when he picked her and Rey’s friends couldn’t stop talking about it after class. _He never smiles! Ever!_

Her curiosity grew with each passing day until she decided to join mock trial team just so she could talk to him. But they were done for the year by the time she went to sign up in December and she lost her excuse to follow him around. Disappointed, Rey flipped through the other club offerings and stumbled across his new one: book club.

Books—she could read. She beamed and signed up, one of only three other students. They met on Thursday nights in the library and read a new book every month. Everyone was assigned a snack to bring for each meeting.

Rey had dinner with Rose in the dorm and laughed at YouTube videos of cats. She had all kinds of stuff in her room now: posters and lights and new sheets. Rose’s parents made a ton of money and they were crazy about Rey. They even took her shopping for clothes, which was a new experience, and introduced her to Rose’s sister, Paige.

It felt like a family Rey could fit into—but it still wasn’t enough. She had a hole in her heart that swallowed up every ounce of affection and constantly craved more.

It snowed on the night of the first book club meeting. Rey had homemade Rice Krispie treats she made with Rose while Finn and Poe kept stealing ingredients. Poe got handsy a lot—he was a total tease—and he loved Rey swatting him away from her. She could tell.

But she blew Poe off for the most part. He was a flirt and Rey didn’t have time for flirts.

She dressed in jeans and a pink blouse from Macy’s for her club meeting. Rose chattered while Rey put on eyeliner (for herself, she insisted) up until Rey put on her black boots. They hugged and Rey promised to be back in time to watch _Mean Girls._ She still hadn’t seen it; apparently a huge faux-pas in girl world.

The walk to the library was short and well-lit with wrought iron lamps. Rey buried her nose in her scarf and shivered, crunching through fresh snow drifts down the cobblestone walk. The campus settled into blissful silence at night, sound dampened by snow and isolation. All around her circled the deep, dark woods, still as the grave. She liked it, though—the quiet.

Rey let herself in through the library door, spilling warm light on the glistening snow. She huffed again as she stomped inside to loosen the drifts from her boots and made sure the door clicked shut behind her.

 “Cold night, isn’t it?”

Father Ben sat at one of the old wooden tables with a book spread out before him. He had his long fingers linked, mouth hidden behind them and elbows resting on the cracked surface of the table. He smiled at Rey’s flustered agreement.

It was odd seeing him dressed in a gray sweater and jeans instead of his black outfit and clerical collar. He pushed out a chair beside him with his foot and gestured for Rey to take a seat. She did, awkwardly shrugging out of her jacket and tugging off her gloves and hat.

 “Is… anyone else coming?” she asked, frowning and looking around.

 “Miss Hart is in the restroom and Mister Abrams forgot his book. Mister Williams is ‘sick.’” Father Ben rolled his dark eyes. “Anyway, we’re reading _The Screwtape Letters_ this month. I have a copy for you—we’re only one chapter in, so you should catch up soon.”

Rey thanked him and took the brown and gold book with elegant script across it. She stole furtive glances at the arch of her teacher’s collar bone, which she’d never seen until now. He had his sleeves rolled back too, and she could see his pale forearms all twisted with veins and muscle. He fiddled with his own book, hardly paying Rey any attention.

She wrung her hands out of sight in her lap. “Um… I made the Rice Krispie treats. With Rose.”

 “Did you?” Father Ben didn’t hide his disinterest, gaze on his book.

 “Yep. I’m a good cook.”

This time he raised his dark eyes to hers and cracked a small smile. Rey’s heart skipped a beat.

 “That’s more _baking_ , Miss Niima.” He reached across the table and pulled the tray over, sighing. “I suppose I should try one and see if you’re as good of a baker as you are with math.”

 “It’s an even split.”

A blonde girl Rey recognized from English class strolled in from the other side of the library. Bazine, the daughter of two high-profile prosecutors. She had a tall, willowy body and sharp, catlike features with hair down to her waist. Rose called her Regina George sometimes.

Bazine sat on the other side of Father Ben and watched him pick out a treat from the tray. He ignored her obvious staring and motioned vaguely to Rey as a way of introduction.

 “Miss Netal, this is Miss Niima. She’ll be joining us in the club from now on.” Father Ben checked his watch. “I assume Mister Abrams lost his way—”

The door opened and a shirt guy with glasses and brown hair stumbled inside. Snow covered him from head to toe and Bazine giggled at the sight, nudging Father Ben’s arm. Rey gasped and jumped to her feet to help the newcomer, who she assumed was the guy who forgot his book.

He sighed, thanking her. “Sorry—sorry. Sorry I’m late.” He shook Rey’s hand and blushed when he saw her face. “Ah, I’m Mitaka. Nice to meet you.”

 “I’m Rey!” she chirped.

They sat at the table with the other two as Father Ben took a bite of his Rice Krispie treat. Mitaka set down a bottle of soda for the snack arrangement and Bazine offered a bag of potato chips. Rey made a mental note to bring something healthy next time; maybe crudités.

Her teacher nodded, waiting until he swallowed to speak. “Very good, Miss Niima. You’re a woman of many talents.”

 “I can make muddy buddies!” Bazine exclaimed. She pretended to pick a piece of lint off his shirt. “Have you ever had them, sir?”

 “No,” he said flatly.

Rey spent most of the meeting listening to them talk about what they’d read so far. Bazine didn’t have much to say, but spent most of the hour fluttering her eyelashes at Father Ben while he totally ignored her. Mitaka had an equal exchange of ideas with him and Rey examined her book, wondering if it was even something she could handle reading. Seemed complicated.

The meeting ended around seven. Bazine tried to hover behind with Father Ben, but he snapped at Mitaka to ‘escort’ her home. She cast Rey a venomous glare on her way out the door, which really didn’t compute. It wasn’t like Rey was _pursuing_ her teacher. She just wanted to know more about him.

They gathered their things in the dark library, surrounded by endless old books and the scent of weathered paper. Rey pulled on her gloves and caught Father Ben checking his cell phone; an odd thing for a priest to be doing. He texted someone back and nodded toward the door without looking up, long face illuminated by the device.

 “Did you join this club to ask about exorcisms?” he drawled.

Rey blinked and shook her head furiously. “No! No! I’m just—trying to get involved. I won’t ask about that. I’m sure it’s not fun to think about.”

Father Ben slipped his phone in his pocket. “Ah. Forgive me. I’m used to being pestered about it.” He zipped up his coat, head cocked. “Do you enjoy reading, then?”

 “Yeah, it’s nice. Relaxing.” Rey waved her new book, smiling. “My first big book was _The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe._ But that’s all I’ve really read from C.S. Lewis.”

They ambled toward the door, neither one in much of a rush. Snow fell in a silent cascade beyond the window.

Father Ben nodded. “Very good series. _His Dark Materials_ is quite good, too. Doesn’t have the heavy-handed religious undertones found in _The Chronicles of Narnia._ ”

 “I’ll have to check it out,” Rey said. She hovered, wanting to ask more questions that seemed a little rude. “So, how did you know you wanted to do this? Be a priest?”

His impassive façade faded for a moment. Father Ben cast Rey a surprised look, eyebrows furrowed. She figured it was an innocuous question.

He pushed open the library door, suddenly grim. “I’m not really sure.”

—————

Fucked up—Ben was fucked up in more ways than one—but he couldn’t stop.

The frat pounded with music, drowning out everything except the shrieking laughter of the hookers Hux found on Craigslist. Ben drew up from snorting a line off one’s ass and everyone around him laughed and laughed and his blood pumped faster. The room spun and his muscles tingled with energy, buzzed on cocaine, but he had too much whiskey to do much with it.

He’d already fucked enough prostitutes by nineteen to fill a whole whorehouse, but he still wanted _more._ The drugs and orgasms made him feel full while they lasted and he could pretend he wasn’t about to flunk out of his undergrad sophomore year. He stumbled, rubbing his nose, and stuck out his tongue for a skinny little hooker with a brown bob. Lily.

 “We’ve got someone fun for you, Benny,” she teased, smoothing a hit of LSD on his tongue. “Come upstairs. It’s a birthday present.”

Ben nipped at her fingertip and she playfully slapped his chest. He followed her through a throng of people to the stairs, inhaling the reek of weed and beer and sweat. Guys with backward hats and Greek-lettered shirts roared with laughter and did their drugs of choice out in the open. Half the girls in the house were passed out or damn close to it.

They walked down the landing to an open bedroom. Ben stumbled inside, groping the prostitute who led him, and saw another girl sitting on the edge of the bed.

Her wispy brown hair tied in a ponytail at the base of her neck and she was totally naked, tits out and everything. Ben stared at her as his wasted brain slowly turned it over and realized she couldn’t possibly be eighteen. She had small breasts and a round, youthful face. She squirmed and blushed, refusing to meet his dark, hungry gaze.

 “Happy birthday, Ben,” Lily whispered into his ear. “This is your present, Ava.”

He squinted as the hallucinogen took hold. “How old is she?”

Lily edged him toward the bed and Ben’s heart pounded with excitement. Ava looked scared—he liked that. He liked having power and control during sex—he _needed_ it.

 “Don’t worry,” Lily murmured, “it’s fine. She’s a special gift from Hux, and you can fuck her without a condom.” She mouthed his earlobe. “She’s a virgin, Benny. Break her open.”

Ben nodded, twisting off into a fantasy land of bright colors and orgasms. Ava trembled as he flipped her on her stomach and he smoothed his palms up her bony back. Soon he buried his cock inside her, fucking her languid body over the edge of the mattress while Lily waited outside. She cried but Ben was too high to notice or care. He grunted and gazed off at the wall straight ahead, chasing another orgasm that would sate his hunger.

Ava felt good. She felt like soft, safe relief from the maelstrom raging inside him. He never did find out how old she was, and he never saw her again.


	4. Tantum Ergo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: implied CSA childhood sexual abuse
> 
> also kylux

Ben’s new next door neighbor Armitage had a treehouse—which made him the coolest kid on the block. Everyone went there to hang out until moms started calling for them to come home when dusk fell. But Ben’s mom was always at work and his dad was never home, so he hung out until whenever he wanted.

Armitage had a collection of shed skins from rattlesnakes in a box near the corner with some bones he found back in Arkansas. He was even skinnier than Ben and the same age—just thirteen—with bright red hair and a smatter of freckles. He always had bruises on his arms and so did his mom. His dad was an asshole.

They bonded fast. Armie came to church with Ben’s family on Sundays and they’d ignore the sermon to compare whatever cook stuff they found outside that week. Rocks, bones, leaves… Armie’s dad didn’t like him getting dirty, so Ben showed him how.

 “Found this in the abandoned mine,” Ben said proudly, pushing back his black mop of hair. He held out a polished quartz crystal.

Armie leaned closer and raised his eyebrows. “Wow, that’s gotta be worth a million bucks!” He plucked the crystal from his friend and turned it over in his much smaller hands. “Nice find, Solo.”

Ben had scars and scrapes from all the shit he got himself into, but his skin was thick and strong from the self-inflicted abuse. Armie had colorful bruises blotted on pale, thin skin, and a broken pinkie from abuse inflicted by his stiff, domineering father. Han never hit Ben. _Ever._

They sat and pored over their finds; two goofy, happy teenage boys. Girls weren’t quite on the periphery and they still threw rocks at them from over the fence. Rachel Jenkins thought Armie was cute, though. It irritated Ben in a way he didn’t understand yet.

But he still wanted to touch and be touched—he was born with that need singing in his bones. Leia indulged him on the few occasions she was home, but Han only ever offered a pat on the head. Ben heard his mother call Han a tomcat amid some colorful swear words when they were in church.

He eyed his friend in the pressing darkness and scooted a bit closer. They’d sanded down the bits of wood where they picked up splinters, though Ben had plenty of bandaids wrapped around his gangly hands. Armie didn’t react and continued picking through his box of snake skins and skulls.

Ben bent his knees and rested his chin on them. “We should go Saturday. My mom’s going on some dumb trip.” He nudged Armie’s protruding ribs. “Wanna sleep over?”

Armie shrugged. “I dunno. I’m supposed to have a piano lesson, and Father Snoke wants my help cleaning the pews at church. Rain check?”

Ben cocked his head and frowned. “Uh… sure. He’s been asking for your help an awful lot lately.”

Armie closed his box of treasures and Ben noticed his green eyes sparkle in the low light.

 “…He wants your help, too.”

That didn’t make sense. But Ben wanted to be friends with Armie, or maybe something more that involved touching and hugging, so he agreed. He put an arm around his friend’s frail shoulders and he shuddered. Ben withdrew, unnerved by the response. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

They met with Father Snoke the next afternoon. Ben knew him, obviously. He watched him speak from the pulpit every Sunday, gnarled and old and bald, and thought he was gross. Leia wouldn’t let Ben be an altar boy, but Leia wasn’t home.

Armie led Ben into the parsonage instead of the church, even though they were supposed to be cleaning pews. Ben followed eagerly, hoping to impress his new friend. He stuffed his hands in his worn jeans and smiled when he met Father Snoke. They shook hands. He wore a golden robe.

Snoke clasped his long fingers. “Armitage tells me you’re looking to help, Benjamin.”

 “Yeah.” Ben edged closer to Armie. “We’re friends and stuff. I was bored.”

The parsonage smelled like lavender and skin cream. Snoke sat them down on his green couch with a blanket, and turned on a movie with two men kissing right off the bat. Ben stiffened in more ways than one and glanced at Armie.

Snoke toyed with Armie’s hair. “Have you tried this before, Benny? Kissing?”

He huffed, turning red up his pale ears. “No. That’s gay. I don’t do gay shit.”

Armie squeezed his eyes shut and slid a small hand across Ben’s thigh under the blanket. The men moaned and one dropped to his knees. This wasn’t right. Ben knew he needed to leave, but he loved being touched there. He tried to hide a groan as Armie stroked his jeans over the top.

Father Snoke watched. “This is our little secret, Benny. Can you open your mouth?”

—————

 “Rey, honey—can you come help mommy?”

Rey raised her head from her puzzle and saw her mother standing beside a skinny man with skinny shoulders. Her mother counted out cash in her hand and the man smiled through the dark hotel room at Rey, glasses gleaming.

She shivered. “I’m… I’m doing my puzzle.”

The man crept closer to Rey like a panther and her mother didn’t move to stop him. She had a faded white bra on and pink panties and her lipstick was smeared across her mouth, mingled with the white stuff she sniffed up her nose.

This was where mommy met the men. She always had to bring Rey, because daddy fell asleep one night and never woke up again. She’d stay busy on the stained green carpet and tune out the weird sounds from the bedroom.

The man sat beside Rey and draped his gnarled fingers in his lap. “I can help you, baby girl.” His gaze wandered down her flimsy nightgown to her knobby knees. “Then you can help me.”

Rey knew what he wanted. Tears dripped on her puzzle while she finished it as slow as she could. Her mother stormed over and kicked it apart, and Rey screamed when she realized what would happen next. It always did. When mommy shared Rey, she got big tips.

The man dragged Rey into the bedroom and she shrieked for her mother to save her. He pinned Rey down by her skinny wrists on the bed and she felt the warm hardness on her butt. She screamed until she lost her voice.

—————

In January, everyone went on a field trip to the New York State museum—except Rey. She didn’t have extra money for admission, so she stayed behind with a handful of other teachers and students on campus. She _might_ have hung back because Father Ben hung back. Maybe.

Regardless, she needed to read her book for the next book club meeting. _The Screwtape Letters_ was kind of confusing, but Rey liked it regardless. The demon, Screwtape, had an interesting way of speaking in his letters to his nephew, Wormwood. She usually listened during the meetings and watched Bazine drape herself all over her teacher _and_ priest.

She went to the library one snowy afternoon to read the fifth chapter. Rose texted her about how much fun they were having in the capital and sent a few pictures of Poe looking for a present for Rey in the gift shop. She reddened and huffed. The more she pushed him away, the harder he tried. She curled up on her armchair and opened _The Screwtape Letters._

 “Little light reading, Miss Niima?”

Rey glanced up at the sound of Father Ben’s voice. He had his usual garb on, clerical collar included. He smiled faintly at her stare and she nodded, blubbering about how interesting the book was and asking why he hadn’t gone on the trip.

He sat in the chair beside her and clasped his hands in his lap. “Once again, an A plus on your test. I hope you’re going for STEM of some kind in college.”

 “Oh, yes—I want to be a doctor.”

 “Good.” Father Ben leaned back, raising his eyebrows. “Father Hux graduated with a political science degree, and now he’s teaching theology.”

Rey laughed a little. “You went to college together?”

 “…We’ve known each other for a long time.”

 “Oh—that’s nice.” She fingered the edge of her book and cleared her throat. “Snowy winter we’re having, isn’t it?”

They talked about the weather for a while. Father Ben asked Rey where she was from and she said London, which wasn’t a lie. She remembered watching her mother pick up johns under Big Ben, most of them American. She tried to forget, but she remembered.

Father Ben was born in Massachusetts but moved to New York when he was young. He had a normal childhood, or so he claimed. Rey smiled while he talked and tried to ignore the shrieking part of her brain that _knew_ he was lying.

Someone hurt him like they hurt her. She could tell. She could _always_ tell.

—————

They left Ben’s third afternoon ‘helping’ Father Snoke together, silent. Neither said a word. Neither knew what to say.

Ben shuddered miserably on the long walk home and kept stopping to spit on the sidewalk. Armie hovered by his side, wincing from pain his friend hadn’t been introduced to yet. Crickets chirped along the sidewalk. They were fourteen, and both started noticing girls.

Leia was out of town on the campaign trail to be re-elected New York State Senator. She left Ben behind with a few hundred dollars and a full fridge to keep himself alive. Han was too busy to come home—and too afraid of his son’s emotional outbursts that Ben desperately needed help with.

They walked to the empty Organa-Solo house together. Armie wrung his wispy hands while Ben locked the door and headed upstairs. His skin was on fire with the sick touch he never wanted. His mouth tasted like salt and greasy hair. He had to wash it off—had to scrub his mouth and skin until it hurt. That was the only way to forget.

 “…Ben.”

He paused on the second step to face Armie and found his green eyes full of tears, too. Ben furiously wiped away the tears running down his pale cheeks, embarrassed by his pain and emotion. Han always scoffed at it. Leia never had time for it.

Armie climbed the creaky stairs to Ben and pressed their foreheads together. Ben’s skin tingled and be seized his friend around the waist, bursting into sobs, and Armie cried, too. They hugged and pawed at each other, palms on bare warm skin, and somehow they made it to the empty landing.

Ben tripped over his cat and suddenly, his stomach lurched. He almost puked on Armie, but managed to turn and make it to the toilet. The vomit flooded away the taste of Father Snoke and he was relieved for the flavor of bile and pizza. He bought them pizza. He gave them beer.

Armie knelt at Ben’s side and rubbed his back. “It’s okay—I know how it feels.”

And he did. Ben brushed his teeth and cried some more, like he never had before, and sank into his friend’s lanky embrace. Armie cried, too, until Ben raised his head and kissed him once on the lips.

Both paused, blinking and sniffling. Ben tried again and Armie shoved him back, green eyes wide, then dragged him into an open-mouth kiss.

They’d already touched privates but never kissed like this. It belonged to them, not Father Snoke. Ben yanked Armie closet on the bathroom floor and his cock twitched to attention, eager for something consensual. He wanted to make his friend feel good and he wanted to feel good, too.

Ben huffed, sniffling. “Is—is this—?”

 “Yes, yes,” Armie mumbled. “Please, please. Someone other than him.”

Ben agreed, but he didn’t want to do anything in the dirty bathroom. He carried Armie to his bedroom and maybe lost his virginity that night. He wasn’t entirely sure.

They did a lot of things that night that they shouldn’t have, according to their parents and the Bible, but neither cared. He breached Armie’s body and Armie breached his. They huffed and panted and laughed during the entire thing, and Armie cried when he used Leia’s lube to penetrate  Ben. Ben comforted him after, drunk on lust and affection; so happy for touch. He liked being on top, but he wouldn’t admit it.

Ben woke up curled beside his friend in Leia’s bed and felt more loved than he had in his entire fourteen years. He smiled at the ceiling and kissed Armie’s temple. Good. This was good. This was love as he’d never felt it.


	5. Lauda Sion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry but i love this

 “You’re staring at that girl again.”

Rey sat across the small cafeteria by herself, reading her book and taking small bites of salad. Half the school was away on a trip to Albany, including her entire gaggle of friends, and she looked… small sitting there alone. Poe Dameron wasn’t draped all over her like usual.

Ben tilted his head and raised an eyebrow to Hux, who was sipping a cup of coffee and reading the paper. Hux raised an eyebrow in return. They’d been friends for so long that words weren’t necessary most days.

Ben shifted in his seat, casting his dark eyes elsewhere. “What of it?”

Both were supervising lunch on a Sunday, which was as boring an assignment as it sounded. Hux had his red hair neatly parted like usual, not a hair out of place, and picked at his crumb cake with delicate gloves fingers. He always wore gloves.

 “Nothing,” he replied simply. He popped a piece of cake in his mouth and wiped his fingers on a napkin. His green eyes remained on an article about lawn care. “It’s just very distracting watching you drool over her.”

Ben stiffened and that old anger flared in his bones. He shot Hux a glare that could melt steel and his friend shrugged, fanning out his newspaper. Nothing out of place. Everything coifed and ironed; not a single wrinkle or strand of black hair from his cat, Damascus.

The conversion to priesthood had been an easy one for Hux—he’d spent his entire life learning how to hide things away. He had a subtle, slippery way about him that lent well to Catholicism. Ben wore every passing emotion on his sleeve and struggled with being anything but brutally honest.

 “She’s a sixteen year old _child._ ” Ben pressed his lips together, glancing at Rey from the corner of his eye. “I took the same vow of celibacy you did, Armitage.”

 “Oh, don’t go using my full name, Solo. I’m just trying to help.” Hux met Ben’s glower evenly, unperturbed; always the immovable rock in the midst of his friend’s whirlwind of emotion. “Like looking into a mirror, isn’t it?”

Ben’s scowl deepened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hux smiled as he sipped his coffee. “I like to think I know you pretty well by now. I _have_ had your cock in my mouth.”

 “And up your ass,” Ben remarked without missing a beat.

 “Likewise.”

They smirked at each other for a moment before going back to scanning the lunch room. Ben kept finding excuses to look in Rey’s direction and pretended it was just to make sure she was okay sitting alone. It wasn’t because he saw shades of himself in her. It wasn’t to steal glances at her hand tugging her skirt over her knees under the table. He was being diligent.

 “Who do you think will knock her up?” Hux asked, casually breaking the quiet. His paper crinkled. “My money’s on Poe Dameron. He has teenage father written all over him.”

Ben drummed his fingers on the table between them, openly staring at Rey. “Why, pray tell, do you think she’ll be a teenage mother?”

She dripped dressing on her book—Ben’s book—and hurriedly tried to wipe it off. He wondered how long he could stare without her noticing.

Hux ate another small piece of crumb cake. “A needy little orphan like her? Do you have to ask? Get her alone, give her a glass of wine, and voila: the poverty cycle continues.”

Unfortunately, Ben knew Hux was right. He’d seen plenty of girls like Rey before, and fucked them, and left them. Poe wasn’t a bad kid, but he was a teenage boy with raging hormones and the emotional depth of a puddle. He’d use her and lose her. Probably.

Ben clenched his jaw, tapping his fingers faster. He’d _waste_ her. She’d come to book club meetings with hickies all over her skinny little throat until Poe lost interest and dumped her. Then she’d come to meetings with red eyes and sniffles and _then_ Ben would have to punch Poe Dameron.

Rey’s hazel eyes flickered up at that moment and she beamed when she caught Ben staring at her. She waved emphatically and he couldn’t help but smile as he curled his fingers in a wave back. She had her wispy brown hair in three buns. Handles.

 “Pregnancy will become her, don’t you think?”

Hux’s gentle musing wormed in Ben’s ear, sinking straight through one of the cuts in his soul. He knew he needed to resist turning it over in his head. He knew where it would lead.

But his mind wandered as Rey got to her feet. Her shirt hiked up over a hip bone, flashing pale skin, and Ben thought of her small frame expanding from that point. He’d always liked pregnant prostitutes—lying beside them, forcing himself to move slow and steady while another man’s baby twisted about under his hand. He was too terrified of fatherhood to ever have his own, but it let him pretend to have a family for a while.

Hux set down his mug with a quiet clink. “You could get away with it, you know. When you’re not staring at her, she’s staring at you.”

Ben tried to arrange his face into a placid smile as Rey approached. “I know I can.”

—————

Father Hux scared Rey beyond belief, but she wanted to ask Father Ben about _The Screwtape Letters._ He’d been looking at her a lot, so she saw her chance and decided to take it.

She almost dropped her textbooks on the floor on her way over and heard Father Hux choke with laughter. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and she saw Father Ben cast his friend a sharp glare, defending her in a way. Rey’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of that.

 “Hello, Miss Niima,” Father Ben said coolly. “How’s the reading going?”

 “Um… not so good.” She stood before the two men in black, both staring at her, and felt like she was being crucified. “It’s a little confusing. I think I’m missing a lot.”

 “You sure are,” Father Hux muttered.

 “Let’s go to the library, then,” his friend interjected, rising quickly from the table. “After you, Miss Niima.”

Rey led the way out of the cafeteria with Father Hux’s unsettling smile and green eyes following her. Poe said he was creepy as hell.

They walked down the hall to the empty library, Rey chattering away the entire time. She didn’t want to leave awkward empty space in their conversation, afraid of what might fill it, and nearly ran into Father Ben when he opened the door for her. He smiled at her hasty apologies.

Rey sat at a table and jumped a bit when her teacher sat beside her. He clasped his hands on the cool gray surface and listened to her babble as she opened the book. ‘So, who sexually abused you?’ That would be an awkward question.

 “This book is pretty heavy-handed,” Father Ben said, shrugging. “It’s about temptation, and how to live an appropriate Christian life. The path to hell is slow and steady, with no road signs.”

 “Yeah, um…” Rey reddened. “I’m not really a Christian, per se, so I just find a lot of it hard to understand. The whole book is obsessed with ‘goodness’ that’s impossible to achieve.” She wrung her hands under the table. “And doesn’t exist at all.”

Her teacher raised his eyebrows, smiling. “Are you a _heretic_ , then? You should go to confession.”

Fear bloomed in Rey’s belly until Father Ben started laughing and shook his head. She laughed nervously and trembled as she opened the book. _Phew._ She thought she’d get kicked out if they realized she didn’t totally believe in God.

 “I’m just saying,” she continued, “it’s… sort of nauseating.”

 “A little bit, but wealthy parents like their children properly indoctrinated.” Father Ben clicked his tongue and tapped the table. “I have one at home called _Candide_ by Voltaire. That may be more to your liking.”

Rey agreed, relieved to be free of her book. He told her to keep it (‘it may come in handy some day’) and they talked about other things until darkness fell. She prodded deeper, trying to learn more, but her teacher wouldn’t give anything away. He asked plenty about her life, though.

 “What does your uncle do?” Father Ben asked, cocking his head.

Rey widened her eyes and rolled them. “He’s my foster dad, and he doesn’t do anything. He took me in when my mom died.”

 “Ah. And your father?”

 “Never met him.” Rey rested her chin on the heel of her palm, gazing out the window at the snow drifting by. “But I never needed him—or my mom. I don’t need anyone.”

Lie. All she wanted was someone to need her as badly as she needed them, but she wouldn’t admit it. Feigning being strong was much easier than risking being hurt. People were unreliable.

Her teacher didn’t speak for a bit. Rey glanced up and found him staring at her, or maybe staring _through_ her. He smiled to put her at ease and his dark eyes swept across her face. Cold quiet settled on the library.

 “I’m sorry to hear that, Rey,” Father Ben murmured. “I’m always here if you want to talk—Sister Phasma is, too.” He drew back like he realized he’d come too close. “The whole staff, really. I can rope Hux into it.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Father.”

Night fell. Rey made a couple offhanded comments about _Candide_ until Father Ben offered to bring her to his home and collect it for her. She agreed a little too fast, but he’d been the one who suggested it. Her pulse pounded in her ears. His house—she was going to his house!

They met with Father Hux outside and he accompanied them on the walk back. Rey knew it was just to protect them, with the rampant issues of sexual abuse in the Church. She eyed the two men while they trudged through the snow. Both had been victims, just like her.

An enormous Great Dane bellowed from the door when Father Ben opened it. Rey squealed and followed him out into the snow, watched from the doorway by her two teachers. Father Hux whispered in his friend’s ear as the dog, named Artoo, chased Rey through the snow. She loved big dogs and snowfall and quiet.

They went inside the small stone house. It had gray stone walls and red throw rugs and lumpy old furniture. A fire cracked under the television, casting light across Father Ben’s long, broad shelf stuffed with books. Rey gazed at it in wonder. Wow—he really liked reading.

 “Nerd,” Father Hux teased, nudging Rey with his elbow. “If he’s not reading, he’s walking his damn dog. More of a pony, if you ask me.”

Father Ben cast his friend a bone-chilling look. “No swearing in front of the students, _Armitage._ ”

Rey peered up at Father Hux and he winked at her. She smiled a bit. He wasn’t so bad.

He gestured to the shelves. “Miss Niima should keep this dusty mess clean, don’t you think? Walk Artoo… You can discuss your heathen books in the meantime.”

 “I can do that!” Rey blurted, jumping at the opportunity.

Artoo barked in agreement. Father Ben plucked a book from the shelf and smiled tightly at Father Hux, who looked quite pleased with himself. Rey hoped he’d agree. She wanted an excuse to be alone with him, even if she shouldn’t be.

 “We’ll see.” Father Ben handed Rey a copy of _Candide._ “Try this. You’ll like it.”

She thanked him profusely and scurried back to her dorm room to start. If he was a victim like she assumed, he’d be sensitive, too.

—————

 “Fuck you.”

Hux lounged on Ben’s couch with Artoo at his feet, browsing an old copy of _The Kama Sutra._ He’d positioned himself like it many times in Ben’s dorm room, waiting to be fucked in the mouth or the ass. He preferred being a bottom.

Hux smiled. “Don’t swear, Solo—so inappropriate.” He turned the book and flashed his eyebrows. “Think of all the ways you can contort that little body.”

Ben stormed over to Hux and seized him by the throat. It had been years since they last fooled around, but most meetings were violent like this. He squeezed Hux’s pale throat and thought of the last time he came down that throat, almost six years ago. They never loved each other. They clung to each other for survival.

Ben swallowed hard. “She’s a child.”

 “She’s almost seventeen,” Hux rasped. “You want her—so fuck her.” He clutched Ben’s wrist, huffing a laugh. “ _We_ were children.”

 “I’m a priest!” Ben snapped. “I haven’t had sex in years and I’m not breaking my vows!”

Hux kept smiling, green eyes rolling back. “You were never right for this, Solo. I’ve watched you fuck hundreds of women, and me, and none have held your attention like this one. I’m tired of watching your miserable life circle the drain.” He seized Ben’s jaw. “Let yourself be happy, you insufferable _fuck._ ”

Ben threw his friend to the floor, broad chest heaving furiously. Hux chucked the copy of _The Kama Sutra_ on the couch and left the house without another word. Artoo whimpered.

The prickle began in the back of Ben’s head—the demon. He paced and clutched his face, growling, fighting back thoughts of bending Rey over his couch and fucking her senseless.

  _so tight and wet and warm_

 “NO!” he snarled. “NO! NO!”

Ben flung a lamp into the wall and it shattered with a satisfying crunch. Artoo scurried off to hide from his owner’s rage and left him to deal with the urges coming to life under Ben’s skin.

  _fuck her in the library and come in her and make babies like we want_

 “NO!” Ben screamed. He stumbled to the stairs, yanking his hair. “I won’t! I won’t take advantage of her like… like…”

  _like Snoke_

The memories flooded back and Ben screamed louder to drown them out. He clawed up the stairs and shook his head furiously as the thoughts poured in, overwhelming everything else. No… he wouldn’t hurt her… he wouldn’t hurt her…

Kylo sighed to life in Ben’s mind, deep and soft. His thoughts shifted to _The Kama Sutra._

  _It’s been so long, Ben. Let’s get in a little practice before we play with Rey._


	6. Magnificat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good ol guilty masturbation

Rey devoured half of _Candide_ that night. Father Ben had been right—it was right up her alley. She curled up in bed and kept reading until she couldn’t keep her eyes open, and fell asleep with it on her chest.

After a shower, she rushed over to his home, eager to take advantage of the offer to walk his dog. She crunched through snow in her boots and ignored a few texts from Rose about what she was up to. Maybe she’d wait to break the news about her new friendship with Father Ben.

The lights weren’t on in his small home. She knocked on the door twice and bounced on the balls of her feet while she waited for him to answer. Nine in the morning seemed appropriate to walk Artoo. He had to be awake, right?

Shuffling sounds preceded Father Ben opening the creaky old door. He was dressed as Rey had never seen him: white T-shirt, plaid red pajama pants, black hair gathered in a loose ponytail. She waved shyly as he rubbed his lidded eyes and yawned.

 “I’m here,” she mumbled.

 “So you are.” He stepped back and gestured for her to come in. “Are you hungry?”

Rey laughed as she walked inside the cramped house. Artoo lifted his head from the floor in the living room and hopped to his feet to greet her. She bent over, scratching behind his ears, and Father Ben shut and locked the door.

 “I’m always hungry,” Rey said. She patted Artoo and politely took off her boots.

Father Ben smiled. His dark eyes seemed darker than usual; hazy and exhausted.

 “Me too,” he agreed.

They walked out to the kitchen and Rey took a seat at the rickety table. Artoo laid by her feet with his head between his paws, watching his master move around collecting pans and cooking odds and ends. His ears stayed pricked.

 “I can help cook,” Rey offered, uncomfortable sitting around. “I don’t want to brag, but my scrambled eggs could win an award.”

Father Ben shrugged his broad shoulders. “I don’t mind—though I would like to see those eggs some day. Maybe after Artoo’s walk tomorrow?”

She was fine with that. It meant he wanted her to come back and _that_ made her heart do a weird little skip. Rey settled back in her seat and shivered. The house felt a bit chilly.

The delicious smell of breakfast filled the small kitchen and soon she had a full plate before her. The dining hall served it of course, but the food tasted… off. Father Ben’s cooking was amazing. The scrambled eggs melted in Rey’s mouth, the bacon had a salty crunch, and her English muffin glistened with butter and crisp from the toaster.

Rey did her best to eat like a human. She spread a napkin in her lap and patted her mouth whenever she needed to, even though she usually used her forearm. She glanced at her skirt and stockings and wondered if her teacher had noticed.

But he ate quietly, dark eyes distant. He kept an arm on the table and Rey studied the crisscrossed scars on his pale skin, some on the soft underarm. She knew what that was from. When she was overwhelmed in foster care, she’d hurt herself, too. She hoped Father Ben had stopped doing it.

Rey cleared her throat. “Okay, I think you make better scrambled eggs.”

He blinked like he’d been off in a daydream. His gaze flickered to her clean plate and he smiled back.

 “Looks like I do.” Father Ben finished a bite of eggs before speaking again. “Would you mind walking Artoo after classes instead of before? Sometimes I have to stay late and he could use the company.”

 “Sure!” Rey chirped. “I could sit and do my homework, too. So he’s not alone.”

Father Ben speared another hunk of egg. “That’s fine. I’ll let the superintendent know you’ll be here—don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea or thinking we’re sneaking around.”

Rey blushed, flustered that he was reflecting her inner fantasy. “Right. That’s gross. I mean, you’re like… old.”

 “Well that’s not very nice. I’m only thirty-five.”

 “That’s how old my mom would be.” Rey raised her eyebrows and tried to laugh. “Old.”

Father Ben chewed a piece of bacon and smiled faintly. “Whatever you say, Miss Niima. I better give you my number, in case something happens.”

—————

For the first time in his life, Ben burned a book.

It was a silly thing to do—it didn’t change anything, and the copy of _The Kama Sutra_ was from college. But he felt better watching it go up in flames in his fireplace, faded letters cracking away and turning to ash.

He sat on his couch that evening, after Rey’s first time walking Artoo, and glowered at the smoke curling up his chimney. He’d done fine with her. Kept his hands off. Having strange thoughts was fine if he didn’t act on them.

Ben scratched his jaw and glanced at his cell phone dormant beside him. Rey nearly dropped her phone when he offered his number. It made sense, in case Artoo was sick or she couldn’t make it to walk him. The dog could use the exercise—it wasn’t just a guise to be alone with the girl.

His heart skipped a beat. No, he didn’t want to be alone with her. She was fucking sixteen.

  _Sweet little thing, isn’t she?_

Ben shook his head, scowling. “Get out of my fucking head.”

Kylo sighed through his mind; a ghost of the things Ben struggled to forget.

  _Come now—don’t resist me. Think of all the fun we used to have. Think of how I saved you from the priest._

 “That was all me!” Ben snapped.

  _Oh, Ben… you’re not a killer._ Kylo crept around, sinking into Ben’s skin like he belonged there—and maybe he did. _But I am._

Ben jerked to his feet and stormed upstairs to his bedroom. He changed out of his clerical clothes into warm plaid pajamas, intent on ignoring the tempting beckon of Kylo. He’d almost gotten Ben thrown in fucking prison.

But it was hard to make Kylo go away until he got whatever Ben secretly wanted.

  _You like having her here,_ the demon whispered. _I can feel it… I can see you staring at her little skirt. You imagine how her skin will feel… skinny toothpick arms in your hands…_

Ben paced the bedroom, rubbing his face. “She’s a nice girl and I like her company. I—those other things were just in passing.”

Kylo reflected on Rey’s bell-like laugh and the wisps of hair that always escaped her ponytail. Ben should discipline her for it, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He didn’t want to upset her.

He’d never touch her. He’d been _touched_ ; taken advantage of, and tasted his revenge. Ben wouldn’t put that kind of emotional pain on Rey, or risk her having blood on her small hands.

  _It always helps to relieve these urges,_ Kylo suggested. _Don’t you think?_

Ben set his hands on his hips and peered down at the subtle bulge in his pants. It might help. It might temper down the strange thoughts about Rey and keep him from… making a mistake.

He crept into bed, trembling with anticipation, and settled on his back under the covers. Ben’s thoughts twisted toward Rey, guided along by Kylo, and he pushed down his pants over his hips. His flaccid cock brushed the cold sheets and he shivered. It had been _years…_

  _He’s dead,_ Kylo whispered. _Your body belongs to you, Ben. Use it._

Ben shuddered violently when his fingertips brushed his cock and thought he might vomit. But Kylo urged him on, reminding him of Rey in her short skirts with her delicate little fingers, and Ben slipped into the fantasy. He spit in his palm and wrapped his own fingers around his cock, thinking of her lying beside him in bed, curled up at his side with her tiny hand jerking him off.

Kylo kept his thoughts away from Snoke and Hux and the things that made Ben sick. He picked free memories of Rey and fantasies of what might be with Rey, twisting Ben toward obsession; addiction. He wanted to taste her skin, run his fingers through her hair, find out what lotion she used and bring himself to completion with it.

Ben huffed, jerking his hips as his cock stiffened into a turgid erection. It left him breathless and gasping, stroking too fast and too hard, but he slowed to his old rhythm soon enough. Up and down, squeeze and release… Drawing the blood up to the head and thumbing his slit.

 “Oh fuck,” Ben grunted. His eyes popped open in the darkness and he shivered with pleasure. “R—Rey—please—”

  _You could ask her to sit in your lap_ , Kylo offered. _You don’t need to beg her. She’ll be begging you._

Ben nodded in agreement, swallowing hard. “Sit in my lap; _fuck_ yes. No panties. Watch her do her homework—feel her sweet little tits.” He was pent-up; close to climax already. “She’s so sweet. Such a good girl.”

  _Like you, Ben. Don’t you want to protect her? What if Poe Dameron touches her?_

 “I’ll kill him!” Ben snapped, puffing.

  _Mm. Yes, you will._

The thought of protecting Rey from deviants like Poe and having her teary and grateful pushed Ben over the edge. He threw back the sheets and arched off the bed, groaning as his cock throbbed, spurred on by the dry pain. Pleasure pumped through his shaft and squirted ropes of cum up his heaving chest and dribbled down his hand.

He writhed, panting and jerking as he squeezed out the last spurts of cum. It oozed over his fingers and Ben rubbed his face with his free hand. His breath caught and he choked on a sob.

  _Go wash up,_ Kylo murmured. _You’ll feel better in a few minutes._

“I’m a fucking monster!” Ben howled. He raised his sticky hand and screamed, clenching it into a fist. “What the hell is _wrong with me_?!”

  _Nothing._ Kylo pressed deeper in Ben’s mind, soothing him from the inside out. _You’re so good—and so is she. You belong together._

Ben got out of bed, shuddering miserably, and peeled off his cum-stained shirt. He stalked to his bathroom and washed off the rest over the sink, refusing to meet his own reflection. He didn’t fucking belong with a sixteen-year-old. He didn’t belong with anyone—and he wasn’t _good._ Ben knew he was a piece of shit.

He scrubbed his hands raw, then scrubbed them some more, but he knew they would never be clean.


	7. Ubi Caritas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter sucks

Prostitutes filled the void for a while—but it would always yawn back open.

Ben thought he hated women, and that was what drove him to use sex as a weapon. His mother never had time for him, after all. She didn’t save him from Snoke. She’d make comments about the stains on his sheets.

He figured that was why he liked punishing women: some Freudian, Oedipus complex shit. At least he paid them to let him do it.

 “You fucking love this, don’t you?” he snapped at the petite brunette pinned underneath him.

She’d come cheap and it showed. Her panties in her mouth kept a real response from coming forth and she only managed to shift her legs, moaning softly. Ben fucked her without a condom, too wasted on coke to care about anything except getting off.

The creaky bed squeaked with each punishing thrust. Ben poured sweat, pupils dilated, drinking in the squirming girl with her wrists bound behind her back. He slapped her ass and she jumped forward.

 “No!” he spat, dragging her back. “I fucking paid for you—you’re not going anywhere, bitch.”

After Ben finished on her face and watched her cry for a bit, he retreated to the bathroom to cry himself. She was the last prostitute.

—————

Rey popped over a few times to walk Artoo and didn’t see Father Ben. She’d let herself in, sometimes lingering around his small house, trying to learn more, but her teacher didn’t give up his secrets so easily. She wasn’t about to rummage through his stuff, either.

One night he was home, watching television. Rey hesitated near the door with Artoo, eyeing her teacher dressed in gray sweatpants and a black T-shirt. This was… weird. Right?

He blinked and cast a glance her way.

 “Hello, Miss Niima.”

She shut the door and freed the dog from his leash. Father Ben smiled as she approached.

 “Wow,” she laughed, “it’s been a while.”

 “It has. Any homework this evening?”

Rey nodded. “I have some. I can go home though; I don’t want to intrude.”

 “No worries. I’d enjoy the company.”

…Okay. Rey collected her backpack and sat beside Father Ben on the couch. He smelled nice, like detergent and cologne.

She opened up her math homework. Ben changed the channel.

They sat in silence for a long time. Rey knew she should leave, but she liked hanging around Ben. She glanced at his bored face and smiled.

He yawned and leaned closer. “What is this? Calculus?”

 “Yep.” Rey scribbled an answer. “Easy.”

Father Ben touched the small of her back and Rey stiffened. Her hand froze.

 “Need help?” he asked.

She didn’t know what to say. He breathed on her shoulder and grazed Rey’s back with his fingertips. Her hand trembled as she kept working. He was touching her. She liked it.

—————

  _What a sweet little thing._

Ben nodded, eyes rolling. He stroked himself hard and fast to the memory of touching some poor girl’s lower back. He almost felt her warm skin.

He groaned. “Fuck, I don’t want to do this. I can’t hurt her.”

  _She isn’t in any pain, Ben. Enjoy her._

 “I can’t…” Ben shook his head. “I can’t.”

But he did. He pumped his cock until he came all over his chest again, and Kylo praised him, and Ben felt sick. He fell asleep on his back without bothering to clean off the cum.

_I want her in my lap._


	8. In Dulci Jubilo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's see if this gets copied

A phone call woke Ben in the middle of the night, hand and stomach still covered in cum. His dark eyes rolled open, searching the darkness for a spell before settling on his cell phone. He groaned and took the call with tacky fingers.

 “Mmf?” he grumbled.

 “Ben—there’s a party we have to go break up.” Hux sounded just as crabby and exhausted. “Out in the woods. I’ll drop by in five.”

Fuck. Ben grunted.

He slipped out of bed to shower and wash away the evidence of masturbating yet again. His hands trembled, still red from the scrubbing they received the last time. Ben shuddered. The worst part was thinking about Rey.

  _You know you want her._

Ben tried his best to ignore Kylo. He stood under the cascade of water, silent, eyes closed. The demon prickled along his mind, sifting through Ben’s emotions. It knew what its host wanted.

Kylo sighed. _Oh, Ben. You’ve grown so soft over all these years. Remember the fun we used to have? The prostitutes? The drugs?_

 “I’m a priest,” Ben replied, voice hollow. “You know that. I’ve been sober for years.” He shuddered, remembering the pleasure of getting off thinking about Rey. “And chaste.”

  _Not anymore._ Kylo drummed up more memories of Rey, and how she’d feel lying underneath Ben. _Who cares? She’ll enjoy it._

She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t, just like Ben and Hux didn’t enjoy it from Father Snoke.

Hux arrived with an equally pissed-off expression. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as Ben shut and locked his front door. They were friends now, even after a few occasions of fucking each other raw. Ben had no interest anymore.

Hux huffed. “It’s below zero and this kids are out drinking. Unbelievable.”

 “We did the same thing, Armitage,” Ben said. He swung his keys around his index finger. “You remember the late nights, I’m sure.”

 “Mm. I do.” Hux nudged Ben with an elbow. “We had such fun, didn’t we?”

They walked along in silence through the woods, toward loud chatter and laughter. Ben shivered in his coat and boots—dressed appropriately, but still feeling the December chill. He remembered the handful of encounters he had with Hux. Sex, blowjobs, handjobs… old memories.

Kylo hummed. _He served his purpose. Now the path is clear to your little Rey._

The trees swayed along the path. Ben and Hux emerged into a small clearing with a bonfire and about ten students sitting around.

Poe Dameron hovered at the edge, red in the cheeks, and he crowed when he saw his teacher. Ben felt a flicker of rage that quickly petered out. He wasn’t touching Rey. Good.

 “Hello, Solo!” Poe called, laughing.

Hux rolled his eyes and snatched the beer from Poe’s hand. He began barking at the others, including Rose Tico and Kaydel Connix, while Ben wandered off to check the ring of trees. He recognized these students as Rey’s friends.

Ice and snow crunched underfoot. Ben wandered out into the darkness, following Kylo’s whispers.

A soft moan cut through the arguing back by the fire. Ben blinked and turned, and his heart skipped a beat, then dropped through his stomach.

Rey lay curled in a ball on the cold ground, lips parted, eyes closed. Her tan skin paled in the moonlight and glowed against the snow. Ben’s eyes widened. Holy shit.

He knelt in the snow at her side, ice water chewing through his khakis. His trembling hands cupped her cheeks. She was warm and alive, still clutching a can of Budweiser, skin so soft…

Ben swallowed. “She’s okay.”

  _Mhm. Take her home. Help her. You know she’ll be punished if she’s caught._

Rey. Good girl. Sweet and precious, already dragged in by her new friends. Ben peered over his shoulder and slipped his hesitant hands underneath her limp body. He’d take care of her. He didn’t want her to get in trouble.

She lifted easily enough. Rey whimpered, hazel eyes flickering open, and she smiled when she noticed Ben’s eyes. He smiled back and carried her through the frozen forest. She looked nice in her new coat and boots. He wanted to dress her in reds and greens. It complimented her skin.

 “Am I in trouble?” she whispered.

Ben laughed. “Not yet, Miss Niima.” He held her closer as he passed under some thick branches. “But you do reek of rum, so I suggest you rest. You’ll be up vomiting.”

Rey moaned and nodded in agreement. She nuzzled into Ben’s chest.

  _Perfect,_ Kylo cooed.


	9. Nunc Dimmitis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i wrote this fast because i l o v e creepy shit

_Think of all the things we can do with her, Ben._

Rey had gone limp in Ben’s arms, curled against his chest, and his mind was well ahead of Kylo’s temptation. He’d been in this position before—drunk girl, far too young for him—but it had been years since then. Ben joined the seminary, changed his ways…

No more taking advantage of drunk women. Thinking of it made him nauseous: the way he used to prowl bars and learned to read their body language; waited until they were ripe enough to pounce on.

He swallowed and peered down at Rey. This was a student who depended on her teacher to care for her. He wouldn’t violate her trust. Ben couldn’t imagine it—violating her like Snoke did to himself and Hux. He’d… he’d never do something like that.

…But she did feel warm. And soft. The faint scent of rum almost convinced Ben she was old enough to have filthy thoughts about. Maybe she wanted him like he wanted her. At sixteen, she knew what sex was, and masturbation, and—

 “No,” Ben muttered. He shook his head as he unlocked his front door, carefully cradling Rey.

  _Yes,_ Kylo hissed. _Stop comparing yourself to him. You were a child._

It was hard not to think of Snoke when rationalizing taking advantage of a drunk sixteen-year-old student.

Artoo raised his head, tail wagging when he saw Rey draped in Ben’s arms. He lifted himself from the floor with a huff and nuzzled the exposed skin on the small of Rey’s back. She mumbled, squirming and clutching the front of Ben’s shirt. His heart skipped a beat.

  _She’s cold,_ Kylo noted. _You’ll need to warm her. I’m sure she won’t object to a bath._

 “I’m putting her in bed fully clothed.”

Kylo laughed, grating in his host’s brain. _Oh, you’re no fun. At least touch her a bit. I bet she has a nice tight stomach._ He sighed wistfully. _Firm little tits… soft pussy. She won’t even remember._

Rey suddenly yawned, mewling like a kitten, and licked her lips. Ben had frozen near the front door after locking it, mesmerized by her delicate features, and he watched raptly as Rey managed to blink her hazel eyes open. It took his breath. Fuck, she looked so damn innocent and fuckable.

She shivered. “Oof—I’m so cold.”

Ben started for the stairs. Don’t, Ben. Don’t. Don’t let your mind wander, don’t even consider it.

 “How did you end up in the bushes?” he asked, trying to distract himself.

Rey yawned again. “I dunno. Went for a walk.” She shrugged, shoulders limp. “Am I in trouble?”

 “No. It’ll be our little secret, hm?”

She smiled, sleepy, head bobbing.

 “I’m bad at keeping secrets, though.” Her fingers wandered up Ben’s throat. “Where’s your collar thingy?”

He swallowed and his Adam’s apple brushed her fingertips. Small and dainty.

 “I don’t wear it all the time,” Ben said.

 “Oh… makes sense.”

  _You can do whatever you want to her._

Ben blinked and shuddered. No.

Artoo watched him lay Rey in the bed and collect a wastebasket for any vomiting. Her eyes opened and closed, and opened and closed. She was soaked, but Ben wasn’t about to strip her.

Rey whined. “Help.”

He turned from his dresser and quickly covered his eyes, but he’d already seen her pink bra. She’d tangled herself in her T-shirt and kept whimpering for help, teetering close to the edge of the bed. The sight of so much skin after so long was enough to get Ben half-hard.

 “Fuck,” he hissed under his breath. “Rey, please put your shirt on!”

 “It’s _wet_! And cold!” She grunted and kept at it. The bed creaked. “‘M not wearing it!”

Kylo urged him toward her. _Help her, Ben._

Rey squealed and Ben peered through his fingers covering his face. She’d flopped on her side, fighting her shirt, long legs writhing in tight, wet jeans. He hesitated, then took a lurching step toward her. He stopped again.

  _She won’t remember,_ Kylo cooed. _Go._

Ben winced as he approached the edge of the bed. He leaned over to free Rey’s wiry arms from her shirt and trembled with pleasure at how small and fragile she felt. She pushed her feet on his thighs, puffing and still trying to escape, crumpling the pinch of fat on her stomach. Ben averted his eyes. Fuck.

 “I can’t lose my scholarship,” Rey mumbled. She flopped back when Ben freed her arms, twisting her small, tan body on the bed. Her toes curled on his thighs. “I don’t wanna go back home.”

 “Why not?”

She arched off the bed, unbuttoning her jeans. “My foster dad sucks.”

Ben licked his lips and watched her struggle to push them down over her hips. White panties peered through the hem, stretched over bone, twisting with her hips. She huffed irately and flung her arms back over her head, bouncing on the mattress.

Kylo guided Ben’s hands to the hem of Rey’s jeans. She yawned, lidded eyes searching the ceiling as Ben slowly pulled them off with trembling hands. His knuckles brushed her hot skin.

 “Why does your foster father suck?” Ben croaked.

 “He throws me around.” Rey rolled on her stomach and moved her hair from her back. “See?”

Small circular scars dotted her freckled skin from the shoulder blades down to the small of her back. Ben stared in horror at the cigarette burns and even Kylo recoiled a bit at the sight of them. His fingers hooked over her jeans felt even wronger.

  _Well that’s no fun,_ Kylo grumbled.

Ben started to move, but Rey hooked her feet around the back of his thighs to drag him back. She nudged once or twice to set him off balance and giggled when he almost fell on top of her. He caught himself with a hand on either side of her head.

 “Gotcha!” she laughed. Her feet moved up, tapping Ben’s ribs. “Somebody used to throw you around, too. Right?”

 “Wh—excuse me?”

 “Can you unhook my bra?”

  _Ooo, what a discerning little creature._ Kylo hummed closer, intrigued. _See what she knows._

Ben’s gaze flickered to her pink bra strap. “That’s not appropriate, Miss Niima. Please finish undressing yourself.”

But Rey wailed and Ben panicked. Quivering, he worked through the two small hooks, fighting to keep his thoughts from wandering. She mumbled a song under her breath while he worked. He’d been so damn fast taking bras off ten years ago.

The straps slipped forward on her shoulders and Rey suddenly turned over, throwing off her bra without a moment’s hesitation.

 _Fuck._ Ben’s face burned and he couldn’t even pretend to look away from her breasts, small and perky and soft pink. Kylo growled approvingly and Ben felt he wanted to do the same.

 “I can tell,” Rey continued, ignoring Ben gawking at her chest. “I could when we met. Did somebody touch you? My mom used to let her clients touch me for extra cash.”

  _She’s used to it, Ben._

 “I—” Ben felt a stroke of guilt and anxiety. “We’re not discussing that.”

The implication was horrible, but even worse was how he still had to resist the urge to touch her. He had little tastes of her skin; tantalizing samples of unblemished youth and warmth. But she _was_ damaged—and was there any harm in…

Rey went back to pulling off her jeans. Her tits jiggled.

 “Okay,” she said. “I’m tired, anyway.”

Ben helped her get her pants off and folded them into a neat pile with her shirt and bra. He stood between her knees, drinking in her whole body with hungry eyes. Beautiful. And she wouldn’t remember. He wouldn’t go too far—he wouldn’t hurt her. No sex or touching below the waist. He’d be happy touching her _arm_ , for Christ’s sakes.

She mewled like a kitten. “It’s cold.”

 “Yes,” Ben agreed. “Get under the sheets. You can sleep in here.”

 “With you and Artoo?”

  _Yes._

Her hazel eyes lit up and Ben realized he’d said ‘yes’ at the same time as Kylo.

Ben’s heart pounded as Rey crawled beneath his sheets, drunk and half-naked, damp and cold from the snow. He’d taken advantage of drunk women before but he wouldn’t do it again. Those memories haunted him; the guilt ate away at his insides.

…Maybe Rey understood. Even if she was sixteen and he was thirty-five. She’d get it. He could sense it.

And he didn’t have to fuck her. Just… touching would be nice. Something innocent. Touch he’d never really known.

He left for a minute to change back into green sweatpants and an old Black Sabbath t-shirt (a gag gift from Hux). Rey was fast asleep when he came back with Artoo curled at the foot of the bed. His tail wagged a handful of times as Ben approached.

He stared down at Rey and watched her spiny back rise and fall. Her lips were parted on the pillow that would certainly smell of her in the morning. Ben rubbed his thumbs to his index fingers.

  _Just touch her,_ Kylo whispered. _She’ll like it—it will be nice for both of you._

 “I don’t want to hurt her,” Ben muttered.

  _You won’t. She’s just like you. She’ll like it._

Ben knew it was a lie, but he convinced himself it wasn’t.

He slipped under the covers beside Rey, pulse throbbing in his ears, body tingling with anticipation. It’d been a long time since he last touched a woman; even longer since the touch was gentle.

Rey mumbled in her sleep and turned on her back. The comforter slipped under her breasts to her rib cage, and Ben’s mouth watered at the sight of all that warm skin. He shifted closer, careful not to disturb her rest. He’d touch her ribs first, even if he wanted to gather a tiny breast in one hand and feel her hard nipple on his palm.

In his mouth. _Fuck._

She snored softly as Ben settled in beside her on his side. He basked in her glow for a minute, then leaned over to inhale the scent of her hair. Fruity, like how the girls smelled in college. He bit back a groan and brushed his trembling fingertips against her lower ribs.

Soft ridges. He pressed harder, feeling the bumpy bone under her taut skin, and shuddered with pleasure. So small… His gaze wandered to her peaceful somnolent smile. Long eyelashes, pink, freckled cheeks, wispy brown hair. She looked like a doll; something he could dress up and preserve and protect. He’d take good care of her.

Ben traced the tip of his nose through Rey’s hair and fanned his hand across her tight stomach. He squeezed lightly to test the muscle underneath and relished the clench her body gave in return.

 “Good girl,” he whispered, eyes closed. “You’re so beautiful.” His throat bobbed as he drew his hand down her skinny thigh. “I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”

  _You could hurt her foster father._

Ben skated his short nails back up her thigh and hesitated near the hem of her panties, along her outer thigh. He rubbed the fabric between his fingertips and imagined stuffing her underwear in his mouth; all soft, musky cotton. Fuck—fuck.

 “I should.” He tenderly brushed Rey’s hair from her face as his hand climbed higher.

  _Mm. No one would miss the brute, I’m sure._ Kylo shivered with the same pleasure Ben felt. _Ah, isn’t she a sweet, soft morsel?_

Internally, Ben agreed.

He hesitantly skimmed the bottom of Rey’s breasts, then arched a hand over one, allowing his middle finger to slide across her nipple. It stiffened almost immediately and he watched, mesmerized by the skin contracting and swelling up. He licked his lips.

_She’s fast asleep. Give her a taste._

Fuck. Ben circled his thumb around her nipple, stimulating the areola  to pucker with little bumps. He shouldn’t.

But he did.

He moved down in the sheets and kissed Rey’s nipple once. He intended on taking it slow, but his lips tingled and he couldn’t bear to wait. His tongue flickered across his lips and he mouthed at her breast to draw her nipple inside.

Ben groaned low in his chest, cupping her other tit, massaging gently. She was still a little cool from being outside, a contrast to his hot mouth, and her skin was _so soft_. He sucked as gently as he could with his tongue teasing across her nipple, pleasure burning up the back of his neck to his head. So good—this was so good.

 “…Father?”

Rey’s confused, sleepy voice shattered the fantasy. Ben blinked and peered up at her, too shocked and guilty to even take his mouth off her. She frowned and yawned.

Then she wriggled her arm under his back so she could thread her small fingers through his hair. She let her cheek rest on top of his head and combed his hair a few times, making Ben swell with excitement and pleasure.

 “This is nice,” she sighed.

He knew she was half-asleep and probably still too drunk to understand what was going on. But he didn’t care. Ben went right back to sucking and licking until he fell asleep curled against her side, one arm slung protectively across her stomach.

Kylo wormed deeper.


	10. O Antiphons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE BOOB STUFF

_The parsonage smells like cold cream and stuffy worn books. Ben hovers near the front door as Father Snoke shuts it. They’re alone tonight for private scripture readings—or so Snoke says._

_Ben shudders when a gnarled hand touches the small of his back. He feels cool breath on his ear._

_“Why don’t we get comfortable on the couch?”_

Ben jerked awake, sucking in a gulp of air and biting back a scream. He screwed his eyes shut and braced himself for the cold embrace of nothing except his own bed—

And then he felt body heat.

Eyes wide, chest heaving, he glanced to his left and saw Rey fast asleep on her side and facing him. Ben stared at her parted lips for a moment as he tried to get his bearings and remember how she wound up in his bed. Party in the woods; right. She’d been cold and very drunk and now she was here.

He swallowed and huffed out a sharp breath through his nose. His eyes closed. He needed to get a grip before he woke the poor girl up and scared the shit out of her.

Ben rubbed his face with both hands. Fuck. What was he doing with a teenage girl in bed with him? And the shit he’d done earlier— _fuck._ It took years to learn self-control and he threw it all to the wind to suck on a pair of tits. Underage tits attached to a student.

  _Look at those scars_ , Kylo interrupted. _Poor little thing._

It was a distraction, Ben knew, but it worked. His gaze traveled down Rey’s back to the small circular wounds along her bony shoulders that tapered underneath the sheets to her tailbone. He stared.

Warm, golden skin… The nightmare had him craving something to embrace, and he had something a foot away from him.

Ben shuddered as trickles of long dormant memories filtered through the block he’d erected in his mind. He crept closer to Rey without disturbing her, looking for comfort he knew she couldn’t give him. He couldn’t expect her to understand the depth of his pain, even if he saw shades of himself in her. She was too young.

He rested on his elbow beside her for a minute, unmoving. She enjoyed it a handful of hours ago… But morning was coming, and the fantasy would end, and Ben knew he’d have to acknowledge what he’d done. He’d have to tell Rey if she didn’t remember.

Trembling fingers reached toward her back. It’d been so long, and he loved the sensation of Rey’s skin burned in his fingertips. And she _knew_. No other woman sensed it like she did.

Ben touched one small scar on her shoulder blade, then traced along her back to the next, near her nape. He curled closer, desperate for touch, and an electric tingle prickled up his arm to his chest. It was odd to go from needing the most depraved shit from prostitutes to losing his breath over small brushes of skin.

He nuzzled in Rey’s hair. Soft and sweet-smelling like the rest of her. Warm. Ben sighed and traced from scar to scar across her back, relishing the closeness and the body heat. He didn’t need anything else—just this.

Kylo laughed. _You need more._

 “No,” Ben mumbled into Rey’s scalp.

  _Mhm. She liked having her tits touched before. Try it again._

Ben huffed, but it had been in the back of his mind. If she woke and refused, he’d stop and apologize and never touch her again. But she _did_ like it before. Maybe she’d like it again. Maybe she’d be able to understand—if he was careful and gentle.

He slipped lower to lie beside her, pressing to guide Rey on her side, and lapped at her skin on his way down to her chest. She tasted like salt and water and some kind of fruity body wash. Ben went lower and lower until he reached her breasts. He teased a nipple with his tongue and tenderly enveloped the nub inside his mouth.

Rey whimpered and squirmed. Ben froze for a moment to wait while she adjusted, dark eyes gazing blankly at her tan skin, then he felt her fingers thread through his hair. He closed his eyes and sucked, taking her movement as being receptive. Rey smacked her lips and suddenly hitched a knee over Ben’s ribs.

 “Feels nice,” she grumbled. She nosed in his hair and Ben lapped his tongue across her nipple again. She giggled. “What are you—”

Her sentence cut off abruptly. Ben peered up, lips still sealed around Rey’s nipple.

He couldn’t see her face. She took a few sharp breaths like she was nervous, then swallowed and shivered.

 “…Father?” she whispered.

Ben pulled away with a wet pop, expecting her to reject him and start screaming. But Rey held tight to the back of his head. She took a couple more nervous breaths, then squirmed closer, aiming her nipple towards his waiting mouth.

He wasn’t going to question her. Ben licked his lips and took her again, as gentle as he could possibly be. Rey looped her arm around his head and her heart pattered so fast Ben could feel it. Nothing to say. Neither of them had anything to say.

Pleasure flitted in his mind, content that Rey enjoyed what was happening as much as he did. He wouldn’t like manipulating or taking advantage, but this… this was nice. It wasn’t like him and Snoke, where he’d been guilted and trained to accept touch. Rey was almost seventeen and she liked it.

Ben cupped the breast he lavished attention on and continued suckling. He liked this—the oral fixation. Mouth to skin.

 “…Did you have a nightmare?”

He hesitated. He didn’t want to leave her breast, but he wanted her to be at ease. He nodded.

Rey tightened her thigh over his ribs. “I felt you wake up from it. I have them, too.” She rubbed his hair between her fingertips, tingling his scalp. “About the guys.”

Fuck. Ben slipped away, licking his lips.

 “Rey,” he began, “you don’t have to—”

But she whined and writhed and guided his mouth back to her tits. Ben was more than happy to oblige.

He’d never hurt her. He’d never make her do anything she didn’t want to do.


	11. Vexilla Regis

Rey woke up with her chin resting on top of someone’s head—which was far from what she expected.

She frowned, then a wave of nausea came over her from all the drinking she’d done the night before. Freaking Poe. He told her he’d keep an eye on her during the party but let her wander off into the woods! She could’ve—

Lips brushed her collarbone, derailing her train of thought. Rey stiffened and her eyes slowly widened as she stared at the unfamiliar door across the room. Oh no. Last night wasn’t a dream?!

Her heart pounded and a flood of emotion washed over her: excitement, anxiety, confusion. Father Ben didn’t seem to notice, though. He kept kissing her collar bone like a starved man and his black hair tickled Rey under her jaw. She squirmed, breath catching as a big hand settled on her hip.

Fingers pressed into her skin; just as hungry as her teacher’s mouth. He kissed slowly down the center of her chest and nuzzled in, tugging her hip to bring her closer, heaving a content sigh. Rey hitched her thigh over his waist and felt bare, hot skin touching hers. He—he didn’t have a shirt on. Did they…?

 “Good morning,” Ben mumbled sleepily. He drew his hand down her ribs and up, rolling his fingertip around her nipple.

Pleasure tingled straight down between Rey’s legs. She shuddered, nervous, maybe remembering the gross guys who paid her mom to let them touch her, and Father Ben suddenly stiffened. His finger stopped moving, then he jerked away and sat up in bed.

Rey stared up at him in dumb shock, from his bare, broad chest down to the hem of his sweatpants. He stared back.

 “Fuck,” he spat. He scrambled out of bed like Rey was a viper and quickly pulled on a plain white shirt. “Shit—fuck!”

She didn’t know where to go, so she wrapped the blankets around her mostly naked body and squealed and hid her face in the pillows. Father Ben kept swearing. Morning had come.

 “I’m so sorry—Rey, I’m so sorry.”

 “I’m sorry!” she squeaked back. She couldn’t really breathe under the pillow. “Sorry—sorry!”

Something rattled. “You have nothing to apologize for.” He swore again and something soft landed on Rey. “I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be down in the kitchen if you need me.”

Father Ben left the room before Rey could say anything more.

She dressed in a rush, clothes wrinkled from the night before, and found her phone full of texts from Rose. Her skin tingled where he’d been touching her and she couldn’t think straight enough to answer Rose. Okay. Wow.

Rey didn’t _hate_ last night. She… loved it. But she didn’t know what it meant to Ben and she didn’t want to be taken advantage of.

She ambled downstairs and Artoo met her at the bottom of the stairs. Father Ben paced in the living room, rubbing his face and mumbling under his breath. His dark eyes shifted to Rey and she felt her face burn with embarrassment.

He folded his arms; cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Miss Niima. We can go see someone together if you’d like. I can resign.”

 “It’s okay,” Rey said quickly. “It’s fine. I’m sorry I was such a mess.”

 “You have nothing to apologize for. What I did was wrong—very wrong—and I’ll do whatever you need to make it better.”

Rey wrung her hands. She didn’t want him to feel bad. She’d been thinking about him for _months_ and she liked it, she was just startled. It seemed like a dream at first, then she woke up and remembered mom’s clients… Ugh.

But Father Ben wasn’t like that. He had the same scars she did.

She picked at the staircase, peeling a piece of wood. “I didn’t mind it.  I was just really surprised.” She tried to shrink behind Artoo. “Um… I thought it was a dream. I’m not—like—mad.”

 “You should be. I’m mad at myself.”

 “You shouldn’t be,” she mumbled.

 “Yes, well.” Ben walked toward the door. “I’ll bring you home.”

Her heart pattered. She took a step back toward the stairs.

 “I’m still tired.” Her foot found a stair. “And nauseous.”

Father Ben fixated her with a sharp glare. “Miss Niima.”

She took another step up towards the second floor, weirdly determined to feel him touch her again. Artoo cocked his head, whimpering, and sat on the floor.

 “I forgot something,” she lied, avoiding her teacher’s eyes.

The lock clicked on the front door. His penetrating dark gaze followed her as she kept going and he sauntered closer.

 “I can get it for you,” he said.

 “I’ll just get it myself.” Rey reached the second level. “Maybe take a nap until I feel better.”

She skittered down the hall, pulse pounding, and heard the stairs creaking slowly behind her. He wasn’t in a rush, but he was following. Would he be really mad and kick her out? Would she lose her scholarship?

Rey flicked off the lights in Father Ben’s bedroom and giggled as she crept into his bed. She hid under his sheets in dark, humid warmth and buried her face in the pillows. All fell silent. All she heard was her own heart thumping in her ears.

The door squeaked. Feet shuffled across the floor, then the bed shifted, then she knew he was lying beside her. Her breaths quickened. She wanted him to touch her again.

Cool air tickled her skin as Ben joined her under the sheets. His minty breath brushed her ear but he didn’t speak, just rolled her shirt up over her arms and secured it around her eyes. He gently guided her on her back, still under the blankets, and curled up beside her. Rey couldn’t see a thing and she didn’t mind one bit: she could just feel his body heat on hers and his hair under her chin.

Father Ben’s hand trembled as he _very carefully_ placed it on her stomach. He huffed, shifting beside Rey, and tugged up his shirt past his stomach, pressing warm skin to warm skin. She skated her fingertips along his ribs and took a shuddering breath. How were they both so overwhelmed?

He curled his hand around her ribs, too. “Can I—”

 “Do whatever you want,” Rey interrupted in a whisper. “I want it. I want to feel it. Just—just don’t talk.”

He rolled away for a moment, and when he came back, he didn’t have a shirt on. His mouth moved down where Rey knew it would go and she whimpered as his tongue teased her nipple, spiking pleasure down between her legs. Maybe they wouldn’t go there yet.

Ben pressed closer, but kept his hips away from her thigh. He sucked tenderly and Rey ran her fingers through his soft hair, trying not to squirm and just embrace the warm pleasure.

This was good. This was safe.

After a while he relaxed and kept nuzzling under her jaw. His fingertips grazed her stomach, roaming like he couldn’t get enough, and sometimes pressing down to feel the bones underneath. Rey squirmed and rubbed her thighs together.

She pushed, and he rolled on his back. Ben gathered her to his ribs with one strong arm and she greedily began doing the same to him. Her nails skated over tight, warm skin and muscle; much more than she had. He groaned and buried his nose in her hair. Rey still couldn’t see, but that made it even better. She felt down past the small roll of fat on his stomach to a trail of hair—

 “No, no,” he whispered into her scalp. He gently guided her wrist to his mouth and placed a kiss. “I like things the way they are.”

Rey swallowed hard and nodded. She traced his jaw, squirming up to kiss his cheek, and he sighed and let her kiss and lick his skin. But she avoided his mouth, because that wasn’t what he wanted right now, and she wasn’t going to violate him the way others had.


	12. Hellfire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all were getting too comfortable
> 
> also i've created a temporary tumblr while i wait for the assholes to get back to me on reinstating mine: malevolent-reveries
> 
> have sent five messages to support so far and no response and it's been five goddamn days

 “So you got home okay after the party?”

A few days had passed since that fateful night and Rey was still in a daze. She nodded to Finn in math, mumbling an excuse about going to the hospital, and straightened when their teacher entered the room.

Father Ben pointedly ignored Rey during the lesson. She was disappointed at first, worried he’d regretted the few hours they spent lying intertwined the other day—but he sent her a text after she left class.

  **FB:** _Hello, Miss Niima. Artoo could use your services tonight. Seven o’clock?_

She stopped dead outside her dorm room. Yes— _yes._

  **Me:** _sure of course!_

  **FB:** _See you then—and hold off on having dinner. I’m making lasagna._

_—————_

  _Well, this is ideal._

Ben set the lasagna in the oven to bake and tried to ignore Kylo’s machinations. He _wasn’t_ the least bit excited about Rey visiting his home again and _wasn’t_ hoping they would wind up in his bed again. Just touching. Skin to skin.

Artoo watched from the corner of the kitchen while Ben set the table. His fingers trembled.

Kylo laughed. _Look how excited you are. A bit funny, isn’t it? The only thing that aroused you to this degree before was pretending to rape prostitutes. Your mommy issues run deep._

 “Deep and wide,” Ben replied. “And I’m not aroused. She’s a nice girl.” He shrugged, popping open the fridge to find drinks. “We get mutual pleasure from the… experience.”

  _Mhm. You’ve always liked them damaged._

 “She’s hardly damaged. _I’m_ damaged.”

  _True enough._ Kylo seemed to smile. _But I would call cigarette burns on a woman’s back ‘damage.’_

Ben winced. He’d seen plenty of emotionally compromised women—he himself was—but never paid much attention to signs of abuse. He preyed in his younger days, pouncing on women who showed the psychological signs; who would be easy to fuck and dump.

Never a normal relationship. No meeting the parents, no sober sex. Ben had to be fucked up to fuck, even if the last time was a decade ago.

The doorbell rang. He checked the lasagna (still twenty minutes) and went to answer the door. His heart pounded.

Rey stood there in gray boots and her school uniform. Ben had to bite back a groan at the sight of her, all gangly limbs, small smile, nervous. He smiled and stepped aside to allow her in.

Pandora’s box was open.

 “I brought homework,” she offered. Her bookbag slumped to the floor. “And treats for Artoo.”

 “Ah. He’ll be happy. No need to walk him—it’s a bit chilly tonight and I’ve already brought him out for his bathroom break.”

Rey hesitated near her bag. “Oh. Okay.” Her cheeks reddened. “Guess… I’ll do homework.”

Ben watched her unpack a textbook and binder. She took a seat on the couch, fumbling with a pen, tan skin glowing in the firelight. He rubbed the back of his neck before joining her with about a foot of space between them.

She started on her history homework. Ben stared at her profile while she talked. He wished she was naked in his lap. No—skirt and panties on. Yes. Facing him, tits out. No penetration, just licking her sweet little breasts and helping her rub off on his thigh. She made sounds almost as soft as her perfect pink nipples.

But this was a beautiful, unblemished girl who didn’t deserve a stain. He kept staring.

  _She’s hardly unblemished._

—————

The room spun. Ben shuddered, pouring sweat like a motherfucker, and stumbled his way out of bed to his front door. Someone kept ringing the damn bell. It made the searing pain in his skull split open and almost bring back the memories of last night.

 “Fuck—stop!” he snapped, slapping a palm on the door. He swayed on his feet and yanked it open.

Leia, all prim and proper in a gray pantsuit. She once-overed Ben and raised a manicured eyebrow. He coughed into his elbow and leaned in the doorframe, still fucked up from the coke.

 “Mommy,” he said sarcastically.

 “Benjamin. I see you’ve dressed up for me.” Leia checked her watch. “I wanted to get a quick lunch, but I see you’ve been out making your mother proud again.”

He rubbed his nose. Itchy from the Vicodin.

 “Using that trust fund to buy the expensive hookers now. Thanks. It’s not having a place to pump and dump without getting the clap.”

Without warning, Leia slapped him hard across the face. Ben staggered, spluttering; his mother had never hit him before. Han, sure, especially when he caught Ben jacking off on her panties, but mom never did. He touched his cheek and blinked.

Leia’s lower lip quivered. Tears welled up. Ben felt a stroke of guilt and then anger that she would make _him_ feel guilty, after she let some sick fuck—fucking pedophile— _molest him_ —

If she had ever actually been home, Ben wouldn’t have nightmares, he wouldn’t wake up screaming, and he wouldn’t want to unzip his skin and crawl out of it. He hardened, glaring down at Leia. This was her fucking fault. She paved the way for memories he had to suffocate with drugs and sex.

Leia looked down and away. She rummaged in her purse. “Your Uncle Luke has a spot open in the seminary. He’d like you to call him.” A slip of paper. “Your family still loves you, even if you don’t believe it.”

 “You want me to be a fucking _priest_?!” Ben hissed. He gave a sharp smack of his fist on the doorframe and lurched toward his mother. His voice ratcheted up; shrill, terrified. “A fucking _PRIEST_?!”

Leia didn’t back down. She returned the aggressive motion and Ben stumbled back into his apartment, puffing. She swelled like an angry cat, then her lips trembled and she broke down into tears. Ben swallowed.

 “I just want you to do something.” She adjusted her purse and cried. “I can only apologize so many times—I can’t watch you do this to yourself.”

Ben watched her click down the grimy hallway to the stairs. His chest heaved and he clenched his door until his knuckles turned white. Fuck her. All her fucking fault. She was never there.

He slammed the door shut. Heroin hadn’t come in to the mix of drugs yet, because there was no coming back from it, but he desperately wanted to shoot up and really scare the shit out of her. He stormed down the hall to his bedroom.

Gina hasn’t woken up from last night. Ben pawed through her purse for a needle or a pill bottle and flung it away when he didn’t find what he wanted. He ran a hand through his hair, stiff and pissed off, then climbed into bed.

 “Hey.” He slapped Gina’s bare thigh, patted her cheek. “Wake up. I get the morning, too.”

Blue eyes rolled open, reddened from drugs or late nights, and she licked her lips. Ben pushed up her ugly red dress over her ass and leaned over for one of the condoms scattered on his nightstand. He turned her on her stomach—didn’t need to see her face. Didn’t want to.

His dick wouldn’t cooperate. Ben spat insults at himself while he tried to get it up and slapped Gina’s ass whenever she showed signs of passing out again. Fuck. He threw the comforter off his bed to the dirty floor and flipped Gina over.

 “Family still loves you.” Ben grabbed her hair and dragged her up as he leaned on the wall. She moaned, long nails scrabbling on his thighs. “Wake _up_ , cunt. I didn’t pay for a fucking sleepover.”

Her mouth found its mark. Ben held her head in both hands and rested his head on the cracked wall behind him, eyes closed. Gina coughed and sloppily sucked until he came down her throat, jaw clenched, refusing to let up when she whined.

He gritted his teeth. “Bitch.” His hips jerked up as he huffed through his climax. “Fuck you.”

—————

Rey ate her dinner politely with Father Ben and they talked about everything except what they’d done a few nights before. Acknowledging it was maybe too much. It’d break the spell. The tenuous place they were in now was… comfortable. Rey knew uncertainty very well.

They remained in the kitchen, her writing out an essay for history, him organizing his spice rack. All was quiet. Even Artoo took a nap.

 “Do you have any good movies?” Rey asked, attempting nonchalance. She chewed her pencil. “I’ve never seen _The Breakfast Club_.”

 “Excuse me? That’s unforgivable, Miss Niima.”

She glanced over her shoulder. He had his back to her as he inspected glass bottles.

 “Or _E.T.,_ ” she offered.

Father Ben gasped in mock horror and turned, eyebrows raised, hand to his chest. Rey broke into a wide smile and couldn’t help giggling.

He shook his head, pressing his mouth in a firm line. “We have to remedy that.”

She gnawed her pen. “I’m kind of tired, too.”

The mood in the room shifted. Rey felt silly again, and excited, and nervous. Father Ben leaned on the kitchen counter and folded his arms. He smiled. Cocked his head.

 “Always so sleepy when you visit me,” he said.

 “Maybe you have carbon monoxide leaking somewhere.” Rey hopped to her feet. She wrung her hands. “Maybe… upstairs.” Took a big step back. “In your bedroom.”

 “Well, that would be dangerous—but I don’t have a television in my bedroom.”

 “But—” Rey avoided his dark eyes as she took another step back. “I want to take a nap now, anyway. I’m tired.”

Ben tapped his fingers on his biceps. “You can nap on the couch.” His throat bobbed and he scratched his jaw. “It’s less incriminating.”

Oh. Whoops.

Rey reddened and nodded, embarrassed that she didn’t pick up on his hesitance. It was one thing if someone saw her sleeping on his couch but quite another if she slept in his bed. Stupid. She had to be careful. She didn’t want to push his boundaries.

Maybe he didn’t even _want_ her in his bed. Maybe it was a safe place or something.

Ben straightened, unhurried like always, and beckoned for Rey to follow him to the living room. He motioned toward the couch and she sat as he went to the front door. Her heart pattered as he locked it and drew the deadbolt. Snow drifted past the small window.

 “Please tell me you’ve watched _Jaws._ ” He wandered back and picked at the DVDs shelved around the TV. He looked nice. Jeans and a T-shirt. Normal, not like a priest.

Rey leaned back on the arm of the couch. “…Um.”

 “You poor thing. Now I’ll have to give you a film education _on top of_ everything else.”

 “I get bored watching movies,” she confessed, watching him pick out _Jaws_.

Father Ben laughed and shook his head, but didn’t say anything. He turned on the TV and slid in the disc. Artoo grumbled in his sleep, now comfortable on his bed in the corner of the room. The fire still crackled under the mantel. Cozy.

He joined Rey on the couch. At first she wanted to move to lean against him, but he gathered her legs in his lap instead, squeezing each foot in a big hand. The touch made her shiver.

Quiet settled over the house as the movie began. Rey glanced at Ben occasionally, trying to see if he wanted to do anything more. He was unreadable. His dark eyes tracked the screen and he idly rubbed her feet, not giving anything away.

She wanted more.

Rey slipped one of her feet free and wormed it behind his back. She pushed on his thigh with the heel of the other and tried hooking her instep around Ben’s ribs. It was dark; easy to be forward.

 “Can you…?” she mumbled.

Ben didn’t look at her. “You know, these movies all have award-winning scores.”

What? She blinked, suddenly feeling like a moron and maybe humiliated. He rose from the couch. Rey craned her neck and saw him draw the curtains around the door to give more privacy. He double-checked the deadbolt.

Then he came back, already pulling his shirt over his head. It landed with a muffled sound on the coffee table and Rey scrambled to do the same with hers. He touched her arm to stop her.

 “ _Star Wars_ , for instance.” His belt clinked. Zipper pulled. “Nothing drums up dread like ‘The Imperial March.’ The melancholic romance in ‘Across The Stars’ is beautiful, which one wouldn’t expect from a campy space opera.” He knelt on the couch and gently guided Rey on her side, caging her between his bare chest and the back. “But, I digress.”

She clung to Ben’s warm forearm as he shifted lower. The couch creaked and he slid a broad palm up Rey’s belly, gathering her sweater along the way and exposing her breasts. She swallowed and spread her thighs to allow one of his between them. It rustled her skirt.

Ben reached up, tugging down a thick blanket to cover the two of them. Rey squirmed, excited, her soft stomach pressing on his hard chest. He hummed and murmured and stroked her nipple through her thin cotton bra.

They didn’t talk—again. Rey ran her fingers through his black hair and cupped the back of his head when he nuzzled under her jaw. Ben kissed a trail down between her breasts and she couldn’t help another wriggle of pleasure, even before he mouthed her nipple through her bra. Her phone vibrated. She curled closer to Ben.

This was nice. Warm and quiet, save for people yelling in the movie.

He continued: unhooked her bra, tugged it off and threw it off into the darkness. Rey toyed with the hem of his briefs as he _finally_ pressed a wet kiss to her nipple, then the other, then—

She blinked. Something hot and hard pushed on her inner thigh. She clenched her thighs around Ben’s leg, blushing, and buried her face in his hair. Eep. No mistaking that.

But his tongue teased her nipple and then, wet warmth, a different kind of pleasure, and Rey mewled. Ben settled a hand on her ribs while he carried on like usual, sucking gently, and Rey skated her fingertips down his back.

Weird, but nice.

His palm trailed down her curves and over her skirt, then up and along her bare thigh. Rey puffed against his scalp and wriggled her hips. Oof.

Ben swallowed loud enough for her to hear. He breathed on one damp nipple before shifting his shoulder to lavish the other with attention. Rey had to move a bit, halfway pinned underneath him now. His hard-on dragged up her thigh. She could almost feel it through his underwear on her bare skin, now under her skirt.

 “Sorry,” he rumbled. His lips closed around her nipple and he suckled for a moment, then squeezed her thigh. “It has a mind of its own.”

 “It’s—it’s okay,” Rey stammered back. She didn’t mind at all. Her fingers hooked on his shoulder blades and she squirmed again. Little trickles of heat buzzed inside her.

Ben slid his hand up and cupped her butt. She squeaked and rocked her hips. More tendrils of pleasure prickled there and she did it again. He took a few heavy breaths, almost like he was hyperventilating, and… stopped.

He groaned low. “That’s good, honey.” He licked a stripe up her throat, nipping her jaw. His fingers dug into her skin. “Getting tingly for me?”

 “I—” Rey shivered. “F-Father—”

 “Shh…” Wet lips brushed her ear. “You keep moving until the tingles go away. But we can’t tell. No telling mommy, or daddy, or anyone else.” His voice raised an octave and the hair raised on the back of Rey’s neck. “It’ll be our little secret.”

 “But… but I don’t have par-parents?”

Ben laughed, but it was a raspy whisper. He kissed her cheek in a weird sloppy way. Rey grimaced.

 “Always making jokies when you’re nervous about the tingles.” He clicked his tongue and drew his knees between her legs. “Let’s play the rubbing game instead until we both feel better.”

Her eyes bugged as he pressed his erection right against Rey’s panties. She gulped, nervous, and then he started pumping his hips, dragging himself up and down her clit. Something wasn’t right.

Ben whimpered, a weird sound to come from a man. “Oh, honey—oh, this feels nice.” He grasped the arm of the couch and buried his face in Rey’s neck. His breaths were ragged. “You’re the only boy I play with, you know.”

 “Ben—” Rey pushed on his calves with the soles of her feet. “Father… I’m not—I’m not a boy!”

 “Of course you are.” His voice suddenly dropped, deeper than normal, guttural and angry. “Stop complaining. Shut your fucking mouth. It’s not my fault that you look so pretty in a dress, Ben.”

Rey screamed.

The sound made Artoo howl from his bed and startled Ben enough that she could kick him off her. He staggered and almost fell over the coffee table while people screamed on the movie. Rey made a break for the door.

Father Ben grabbed her around the waist and twisted away. She kicked her feet and kept screaming like crazy as he stumbled forward.

 “Rey—!” He dropped her. “Fuck! Rey, I’m so—”

  “Get away from me!” she shrieked. Sobs started, wracking her whole body. “Get AWAY FROM ME!”

He followed, hands out, crying like she was. Was he nuts? Why did he do that? Was it supposed to be a sex thing? She—she told him she didn’t like when he talked during it! She respected his boundaries; why didn’t he do the same?!

 “I’m so sorry!” Ben knelt, then leaned forward on all fours and kept following her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—it wasn’t me! I used to… I’d drink and take dr—medication to keep it from happening, but… but…”

 “I told you I don’t like the talking!” Rey wailed. And she didn’t. The men would always talk while they touched her. She flushed with rage from the betrayal and flung her shoe at him. “I HATE you!”

Father Ben deflected the shoe and seized her ankle. Rey screeched, flinging herself on her stomach, and he kept apologizing as he dragged her across the floor. Artoo watched from the corner with his head bowed.

 “Don’t go,” Ben choked. He kept pulling, dragging her underneath him. “Please don’t go. No one else understands.” He pinned her wrists beside her head and her screaming reached a fever pitch. “I haven’t even touched a woman in years.”

Rey’s scream faded into strangled sobs. “Please don’t… please don’t…” The unthinkable.

Ben lowered his weight on top of her, brow drawn, shaking his head and mumbling. He rolled on his side and pulled Rey along like a safety blanket. She wailed into his bare chest and noticed he was violently shaking.

 “Won’t hurt you,” he muttered. “Everything’s fine.” His arms tightened around her, suffocating.

 “I don’t understand… I don’t…”

Nausea gurgled in her stomach. Rey had no idea who this man really was or why he was suddenly acting so erratic. He seemed so composed in class and they had nice visits before.

Maybe his wounds ran deeper than anything she could hope to fix.

He laughed out of the blue. Rey’s spine prickled.

 “Why are you crying, Benny? You know you like this.”

Rey huffed in terror as Father Ben rolled over on top of her and resumed rutting between her thighs. She fought to catch her breath, kicking her feet, and screamed again, yanking on his hair. He kept going. Grunting.

 “That’s it…” He moaned. “The rubbing game is my Benny’s favorite game, isn’t it? Making stickies with me.”

 “Please stop! Please—please!”

 “Never gonna stop loving you, honey. My very favorite friend.” Ben hummed and rolled his hips at a slow, even cadence. He mumbled a song. “Why d’you… build me up… buttercup, baby…” his breath hitched. “Just—Just to let… me down…”

Adrenaline spiked. Rey punched Father Ben hard in the ribs and it knocked the wind out of him; just enough time for her to scramble away. She bolted for the door and he got up faster than she thought.

Rey ran a circle around his house to the kitchen, hoping for a knife, but he was right behind her. Ben pleaded for her to stop as she made another mad dash for the front door, promptly changing course and running upstairs.

She slammed and locked the bedroom door. Heaving, Rey stumbled back.

Silence. Then,

 “…I need you.”

A thump on the door. He slid down.

 “More than anyone… darling.” His voice caught in a sob. “You know that I have from the st-start…” Ben’s voice raised as he struggled not to cry. “So build me up… buttercup… don’t break my h-heart.”

Rey sank to the floor and didn’t move.


	13. Asperges Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter Ben literally beats Snoke to death and it’s fairly violent

Demons slithered in through wounds in the soul.

Anything would do—a sliver or a raw, gaping wound; a thousand tiny cuts or one stab through the heart. The negative aura; the demon, would sink in like a sickness and nest in the broken bits. They liked shards. The pain.

Kylo tasted Ben’s resentment towards his mother, and settled in his nest.

—————

 “Look how beautiful you are, Ben.”

Snoke stalked up behind him, cooing and complimenting, already dressed in his golden bathrobe and slippers.

Ben stood before a mirror in the bedroom wearing a red dress. A woman’s dress. It draped down past his knobby knees and lacked sleeves, exposing his broad shoulders. He stared at his reflection as Snoke slipped a gnarled hand around his waist.

Lips brushed Ben’s ear.

 “Such a pretty boy—all dressed up for me.”

They were in the priest’s bedroom, no longer restrained to the couch or the church office. Ben shuddered violently as Snoke pulled him flush to his body and licked a stripe along his neck. No matter how many times it happened, Ben couldn’t convince himself it was normal.

Long fingers roamed under the hem of the dress toward the black panties Ben _had_ to wear. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. He needed the touch. He needed someone to care.

 “Good boy,” Snoke whispered. “Beautiful boy.” He circled his fingertips to Ben’s spine and stroked gently. “Bend over.”

  _Fuck you_

Kylo hissed to life. He prickled along Ben’s mind as Snoke guided him until he bent at the waist and touched the mirror. His chest tightened. He didn’t want to do this. He never did.

Kylo barked. “ _Fuck off, pervert._ ”

Snoke laughed; cupped Ben’s ass with a cold hand. His robes parted with a soft rustle of fabric.

 “Be a good boy, Ben.”

  _Kill him._

The demon clawed up from his belly like bile and slipped into his skin. Ben screamed at his reflection and spun on his heel with his fist cocked.

One punch across the cheek and Snoke fell with a yelp. Blood sprayed across the floor and he struggled up but Ben fell on him with a flurry of punches. He wasn’t a small teenage boy anymore and each blow shattered bone and spurted blood.

Kylo hissed, pleased. _Excellent, Ben. Kill him._

Rage Ben had suppressed for years bubbled up unhindered. He screamed and battered Snoke long after her was dead; beat in his shriveled, monstrous face until it was unrecognizable. He hated him. He’d never hated anyone, but he hated Snoke.

Slowly, the anger faded. Ben straddled the corpse, heaving for air, trembling, sweaty. His hands quivered, knuckles smeared with blood and tissue and blue from the ferocity of his hits. He stared at the defaced body and burst into tears. The parsonage fell silent.

And through the gash in his soul, something else crawled in.

—————

Rey didn’t dare move from her spot on the bedroom floor. She listened to Father Ben singing to himself until he slipped back into sobs. Her heart hammered as she stared at the door and hoped it stayed locked.

She thought they understood each other—that they had something special. But he was just another disgusting man like all the others she’d known. Rey bit her lower lip and wiped away tears beading in her eyes. She needed to get back to the dorm.

 “I have to go back,” she called weakly.

The door groaned. Handle rattled.

 “I can explain—” Father Ben sniffled and tried the handle again. “Please let me explain.”

 “Stay away from me! I’m telling the principal!”

 “I was— _touched._ Like you were.” He hesitated, then carried on like he needed to get the words out. “I would never hurt you like that, Rey. Some things are still attached to me and… I can’t always control them. They speak on their own.”

 _Things._ Demons.

He _had_ been an exorcist for a few years. Rey shuddered at the thought and the strange guttural voice Ben slipped into; the high-pitched singing. It wasn’t him. He’d been kind and gentle so far.

But… demons? They weren’t real. It was all mentally ill people, not real demons.

She swallowed hard. It hurt hearing him admit his own abuse out loud and she didn’t want to ignore it. That wasn’t right. If she admitted it to him and he blew her off, she’d be heartbroken.

 “…Don’t touch me,” she warned. She rubbed her nose and got to her feet. “Do _not_ touch me.”

 “I won’t. I promise.”

This was stupid, but he couldn’t get away with hurting her, anyway. Rey took a steadying breath as she unlocked the door and jumped back a step.

Father Ben peered inside. His dark eyes were red and puffy from crying and he still didn’t have a shirt on. Rey reddened and backed up to sit on the edge of the bed as he stepped in his bedroom. His hands trembled at his sides and he stuffed them in his pockets. He leaned on the wall.

Rey clasped her hands in her lap and avoided his eyes. Neither spoke for a long stretch.

 “…I don’t want to talk about it,” Rey mumbled. “I hate hearing… about other people. Being hurt.”

 “I don’t want to talk about it, either.” He sniffled again. His voice cracked, raw from crying. “I’ve done a lot of bad things that still follow me—they’re attached and I can’t get rid of them. Penance, I think.”

 “They’re… demons?”

Father Ben didn’t reply for a minute. Rey glanced at him and he nodded, lower lip quivering. Wow. Demons, huh?

She studied her hands. “Can’t you like… get an exorcism?”

 “I have two attachments—one is a bit of a friend. The other is who emerged downstairs and it’s weaker, but… virulent.”

 “Oh. Okay.”

Silence. Rey didn’t know what to say to Ben and she suspected he felt the same way. He tapped on the wall and kept sneaking glances her way, though, and she kept pretending not to stare at his chest. She needed to leave. This was weird.

But she didn’t want to leave… _this._ It was the best thing she’d had in her entire pathetic life and she couldn’t walk away.

Rey pulled herself back on his bed across cool, worn sheets. She peeled off her socks and cast them to the floor without looking at Father Ben. He watched her, though. She could feel his dark eyes following her as she crawled beneath the sheets.

She pulled them over her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “Can I confess something to you?”

 “Yes.”

 “…Can you come here?”

Father Ben hesitated, but Rey presently heard him walking across the room. He stopped at the edge of the bed and didn’t move again, even when she nudged the sheet, hoping he’d take the hint.

She huffed. “Closer?”

The mattress shifted. Rey scooted back to give him room and caught a glimpse of his bare chest under the sheets. She turned to hide her face in the pillows.

He said he didn’t want to take things further, but she did. Was it unfair to try again?

Father Ben kept his hands to himself until Rey tentatively reached out, brushing her fingertips down his chest. He shivered and moved closer, one big hand settling on her hip, and he nuzzled under her chin. His heart pulsed against her palm.

They laid still for a few minutes. Ben gradually began kissing her throat, first with just a brush of his lips that Rey hardly felt. She guided his hand around her waist to her back and he slid his fingers up her back, squeezing her skin and muscle along the way. Warm breath rolled across her collar bone.

 “What do you need to confess?” he mumbled. He pressed his forehead to her breastbone, hair tickling her skin.

She curled her toes. “I… liked what we were doing earlier. On the couch.”

He didn’t answer for a minute. Rey waited anxiously for something— _anything._

 “So did I.”

Yes. Good.

She nodded and hoped he’d keep kissing her, but Ben sighed against her chest and slipped his hand away. It was probably for the best right now. Probably.

 “We can stay like this for a while, Miss Niima. Then I need to let you go home.”

 “…Okay.”


	14. Iste Confessor

  _If you kill him, you kill me._

Ben glared at his reflection in the mirror, hands clasped over the rim of his bathroom sink. Yes, he’d been over that conundrum a thousand times. An exorcism would kill _both_ entities within him, and he wasn’t entirely sure he could survive without Kylo.

He leaned back and rubbed his face. “I almost raped a student. I think the time has come.”

  _You would still be getting plowed up the ass if it weren’t for me. The girl wanted you to fuck her, anyway. Enough with the theatrics._

 “Fuck off. She was scared.”

  _Surprised. She’ll learn your eccentricities._

Ben shoved away from the sink and stormed back to his bedroom. He was irritated; pent-up from his night with Rey, and fighting the urge to find her dorm room. He missed her already—missed the soft touch, skin on skin, and another warm body under his sheets, curled up in bed at his side.

Visiting the dorm wouldn’t be appropriate, obviously. Tempting, but inappropriate. He’d see her in class and try to fix the damage he’d done, no matter how much time it took.

—————

 “Are you doing okay, Rey?”

Class—waiting for Father Ben. Rey glanced at Rose and nodded a little too emphatically. She was fine, just nervous waiting for her teacher and kind of boyfriend to arrive. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and what they’d learned about each other.

Rose smiled faintly and went back to her conversation with Poe. Rey was in the clear. For now.

Father Ben arrived a minute or two late. Even his clerical collar was a bit askew and a hushed murmur floated through the class. He set his books down on his desk and made a show of avoiding Rey’s eyes. She did her best to stay composed, rearranging her things and fluffing her skirt around her knees.

 “We’ll be working with probability today,” Father Ben barked, silencing the class again. His gaze flickered to Poe. “Dameron, why don’t you start us off solving the proof on page one-ninety-four?”

Out for blood. Rey curled a stray lock of hair behind her ear while Poe babbled out an answer.

Class was otherwise not interesting. The weather outside stayed clear and cold, all unspoiled fluffy white snow and crystalline trees. Father Ben dismissed class and everyone hurried to go sledding, but he calmly asked Rey to stay behind.

Rose rolled her eyes. “We’ll meet you there.”

 “It’s okay. I have a lot of homework.” Rey smiled and waved. “Have fun—don’t break anything!”

She left, closing the door behind her.

The classroom fell silent, save for the soft shuffle of papers. Rey wrung her hands until she heard Father Ben’s footsteps behind her.

 “My office,” he said. “I want to show you something.”

 “…Okay.”

He opened the door and let her out first. Rey watched the last students laughing and leaving as her teacher locked his classroom, then he jerked his head toward the right. He led her down empty hallways, past worn lockers, to a small door with ‘FATHER BENJAMIN SOLO’ on a black sign. It unlocked with a twist.

Inside it was cramped, filled with old books and a Bible open on a big mahogany desk. The door locked again behind Rey and Father Ben jangled his keys before dropping them on the desk. All kinds of weird knickknacks were stuffed on shelves and cluttering his desk. He needed to organize.  

He walked around Rey and took a seat in his chair. Leather creaked and groaned. She fingered the strap on her backpack and he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Was he mad?

 “Do you read the Bible often, Miss Niima?”

 “…Not really.”

 “Ah. You should do a little light reading.” Ben beckoned her, crooking a long index finger. “Come.”

Rey set down her backpack and wandered closer, confused about what exactly he wanted. Her teacher pushed back from his desk and held out a hand.

She frowned as she accepted. He idly drew her closer, tugging to turn her in a circle, then his big hands settle on her hips. Rey reddened as Father Ben guided her on to his lap and slid the chair closer to his desk.

His chest pressed to her back. “I like the Book of Revelation myself, but we should start with something lighter. Genesis, perhaps.” He flipped through thin pages to the very start of the weathered Bible. His other hand cupped her thigh. “Why don’t you read out loud for me?”

 “Oh—okay.”

Rey swallowed. She set her trembling wrists on the desk to keep the Bible open and Father Ben settled his hands on her hips. His breath tickled the back of her head. She hoped she wasn’t heavy.

Her voice wavered. “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”

 “And the earth was without form, and void—” Father Ben whispered into her hair as his hands slid down her thighs. “And darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”

 “And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.”

Pressure, then Rey realized he was kissing her hair. He took a deep breath and slowly kissed a line down her nape, leaving a tingling trail behind.

Fingertips stroked her knees. “And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.” Father Ben laughed lightly to himself. “Forgive me. I’ve read this a thousand times.”

 “That’s… that’s okay.” Rey shivered with anticipation and continued. “And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.”

This time he kissed the crook of her neck and shoulder. His hands grazed up her thighs, tickling skin and gathering her skirt along the way. Rey kept reading and trying to ignore what he was doing but squirmed a bit in his lap.

Father Ben heaved a sigh. He tugged on her sleeve to expose her shoulder, then gently grasped her bra strap with his teeth and pulled it over her shoulder. Rey’s mouth went dry.

But she continued reading, even when he resumed gentle kisses along her shoulder and tickled her inner thigh. He was getting close. Would he…? All she’d done so far was rub against his thigh a bit.

Father Ben traced the tip of his tongue along the shell of her ear. “Would you like to keep reading or should I read to you?”

 “I can keep going.”

 “Please do.”

Rey had reached the fourth day. She went back to reading, biting her lower lip as Father Ben’s hand drifted up underneath her skirt. Her thighs pressed together nervously. It had been a long time since anyone touched her there.

He whispered in her ear, interrupting her reading.

 “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs…” Ben’s hand pushed onward, lightly brushing her panties. His other cupped Rey’s ribcage, thumb circling the curve of her breast. “And closed up the flesh instead thereof—” Rey whimpered, parting her thighs to let him stroke along her slit through the thin fabric of her panties. He hummed. “Chapter two, verse twenty-two.”

She closed her eyes for a minute, enjoying the teasing touch, but found the line. “Ah—um—‘And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said—”

 “This is now bone of my bones…” Father Ben added pressure to the nub where it felt best. Rey clung to his desk and bit her lip, shifting in his lap. “And flesh of my flesh.” He suddenly jerked to his feet, bending Rey over the desk in a scatter of papers. She squealed and squirmed, Bible cold under her cheek. “She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

 “Sir—? Sir—”

Ben leaned across her back without a word, fingers still moving between her legs, building up tight warm pleasure. Rey whimpered and rocked into his touch. He breathed on her temple and held her hip with his free hand, guiding the sway of her hips.

Hard heat rubbed against her butt. He kept her in place and rolled his own hips into hers, rubbing in the cleft of her ass slowly and gently. Rey arched on her tiptoes to meet him and he groaned in her hair.

The desk creaked under their weight. Rey pawed at the cold wood and tamped her feet on the floor. It felt good; the way he moved against her from behind. He kissed her jaw as his fingers slipped inside the hem of her panties through hair Rey wished she shaved. Another soft sound caught in her throat.

 “Shh… shh…” Father Ben’s middle finger slid along her slit, down to where she was getting wet. He smeared it along her inner folds. “Does this feel good?”

 “…Yes.”

 “Do you want me to stop?”

 “No,” she mumbled.

He kissed the corner of her mouth and his fingers circled her clit again, soft and smooth. Rey closed her eyes and gave in to the urge burning inside. Father Ben kissed along her bare shoulder, whispering ‘that’s it’ as she picked up her pace. Close—she was close—another minute or two and—

Someone knocked on the door. “Father?”

Ben clasped a hand over Rey’s mouth and stopped moving. She jerked in surprise but his fingers kept _going._ She shuddered, eyes glazed, too forgone to stop now. He whispered ‘shh’ in her ear and focused the pad of his middle finger on her clit.

 “Yes?” he called roughly.

 “It’s Kaydel. I wanted to review my test.”

He kissed Rey’s shoulder. “I’m a bit preoccupied, Miss Connix. Drop by tomorrow, please.”

 “Oh… okay. It’s a quick question, though.”

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, huffing into Father Ben’s palm, and smacked her hand on the desk. He grabbed her wrists and pinned them in one hand as she tilted over the edge and came. He nuzzled her cheek, shushing her while Kaydel kept gabbing away outside the door, and Rey quivered through her orgasm.

Ben leaned his weight across her back. “Reading is a healthy exercise for the mind and soul, isn’t it?” He laughed again and kissed her temple. “Miss Connix, we can meet tomorrow after class.”

She huffed and stormed off, leaving Rey panting underneath her teacher and priest on his desk. She swallowed as he slipped his fingers from her panties and heard him stick them in his mouth.

He sighed. “Ah… wonderful. Wonderful.” The chair creaked behind Rey as she slowly straightened. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve done that. Would you like to sit with me, or do you want space?”

 “I… I don’t know.”

Father Ben grasped her hand gently. “Why don’t we sit here for a bit before we go home and have dinner, hm? Let you catch your breath.” He smiled as she turned and Rey felt a strange sense of shame, seeing him with his clergy collar. “Sit with me, dove.”

Rey trembled and crawled in his lap. His black shirt was rough and stiff but underneath his warm heart bounded under her palm. She shivered, curling into a ball, and he wound an arm behind her knees. The other curled around her shoulders and held her close to his chest.

She felt better, but worse. Rey’s lower lip quivered and she nudged under Father Ben’s chin before the tears ran down her cheeks.

 “I know,” he murmured. “I know.”


	15. Purgatory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is short but brace for angst

 “Ben?! Ben, come see!”

Fear struck first, cold and hard as steel. He hardly dried his hands as he rushed from the kitchen sink through his small home doused in dreamy afternoon sunshine, and headed straight for the stairs. 

Ben took them two at a time, heart pounding, nausea in his stomach. What if something happened? What if… what if…

But it didn’t matter. He reached the nursery door and found her sitting in the blue rocking chair, nestled in the corner near the crib they set up yesterday. Her thin fingers were splayed across her belly and a big smile made her glow more than usual. She wore a lot of her maternity dresses now. Came home with a new one after every bi-weekly shopping trip with Leia.

He sighed, relieved. “Jesus, Rey. What’s up?”

 “She’s moving! Come feel!”

Ben cocked his head and shuffled over. He knelt in front of her, cupping both big hands on her swelling stomach, and Rey settled her hands on top of his. Sunshine sparkled bright across her engagement ring, the same one his father gave his mother.

Nothing happened for a minute. Ben raised an eyebrow to his wife and she frowned at the floor, focusing like she could will the baby to prove she was rolling around inside. Maybe it was just indigestion. With the weird combination of food Rey liked now—

He started at a sharp kick to his palm. Rey laughed at his expression and he blinked up at her in shock, still not totally sure what had just happened—then Pamde kicked him again. His gaze flickered back to Rey’s stomach and he couldn’t help but laugh, too, eyes quickly welling up with tears. Holy shit.

 “Cool, isn’t it?” Rey carded her fingers through his thick hair, drawing him in closer so he could press his ear to her stomach. “I was listening to music with her and she wanted to dance, I guess.”

Ben kept laughing as an alien protrusion roamed the thin skin over his wife’s belly; Padme letting them know she was there. It hadn’t seemed real until now, even with the ultrasounds and baby crap and hours reading books while Rey snored on his chest. There was a living, breathing thing growing inside her, one part Ben and one part Rey, and she was alive and moving.

He sniffled a bit, shifting closer. “She can hear the music?”

 “Oh yeah. She likes Zeppelin.” Rey set to braiding his hair the way Leia taught her. Practice for when she’d braid Padme’s hair the same way. She shrugged and yawned. “I’ve felt little stirrings but nothing like this before.”

Of course she could hear music; he’d read that in the baby books. But kneeling there feeling her move was an entirely different experience, one that had Ben’s head spinning. He stared at a hand imprint roving across Rey’s skin that swept under his cheek and pushed harder, still letting her father know she was there. This was nothing like a book.

He peered up at Rey. She pouted her lower lip and wiped away a tear rolling down his cheek with her thumb. The hazy sunlight cast a glow on her messy hair that looked just like a halo and cast a shadow across her hazel eyes. An angel— _his_ angel.

Ben stared at her, cupping her pregnant stomach, and more tears came. It couldn’t be. He knew it couldn’t be.

His lower lip trembled. “This is too good to be true… isn’t it?”

Rey smiled down at him.

 “Maybe.”


	16. Confiteor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> son of a bitch i tried to end it and !!!!

This was not Father Ben—Rey knew that much.

She stared at the back of his head while they walked through a fresh coat of snow to his house, traveling the same well-worn path she now knew by heart. That same heart that had imprinted on her brooding math teacher knew the man in front of her was not him.

Snow settled in his black hair; on the shoulders of his black coat. He walked on in silence with his hands in his pockets, straighter and stiffer than normal. He could’ve been a ghost for all she knew. He was certainly a stranger.

They arrived at Father Ben’s small home. He unlocked the door without a word and walked inside before Rey, another red flag, but she still followed. Artoo didn’t come bounding to the door to see them like usual—she caught sight of him huddled on his bed in the corner, dark eyes wide, ears pinned back.

Ben locked the door. “Now let’s have some dinner, shall we?”

Rey watched him walk past her toward the kitchen. He unwrapped his scarf and unbuttoned his coat; tossed them carelessly over the back of the couch. She remained by the door. Should she run?

No. It was still Father Ben’s body. Someone else was at the controls.

Rey swallowed hard as the man checked the thermostat. Now or never. She couldn’t let him go.

 “I know you’re not him,” she called, voice wavering.

Silence. Father Ben continued toying with the thermostat, pretending not to notice what she said. He walked into the kitchen and Rey frowned and followed. What was he doing? Would he just keep pretending he didn’t know what she was talking about?

She rounded the corner and found him standing over the sink in the dark with the water running. His shoulders shifted like he was washing something but she couldn’t see around him. Rey hesitated near the doorway, wringing her hands. The Ben she knew wouldn’t have done any of that in the office. She liked it, but she knew he wouldn’t.

 “Who do you think I am?”

She stared at the back of his head. He kept washing in the moonlight, otherwise unmoving. Snow drifted past the window over the sink.

 “…A demon?” she ventured.

This time he laughed, deeper than normal, but softer; more musical. It made the hair stand up on the back of Rey’s neck and she took a sharp step back, ready to bolt. One of the demons he warned her about—this was one of them. Holy shit.

His tongue clicked, chastising. “Ah, ah. Don’t skitter off, little one. I’m not going to hurt you.” The water shut off, reduced to a slow drip, and he sighed as he slowly turned. “I had to wash up a bit.”

His _hands_. Rey’s eyes widened at the sight of them raw and red in the darkness, practically glowing, skin eroded all the way up to his wrists. The demon smiled at her horrified stare and raised his eyebrows, unbothered by the ghastly burns to his own skin.

 “Somewhat repulsive, but that’s the price one pays for the prize.” He ripped the clerical collar from his neck, letting it flutter to the floor. “It’s been a real pain in the _ass_ getting this skin suit to behave how I want. Ben is fine—I have him happily distracted living some domestic drivel with babies and marriage and shit. Now we can have a little chat, Miss Niima.” His smile widened. “ _Rey_.”

 “What—” Rey shrank back. Holy shit. “Who are you? What did you do to Ben?!”

His eyebrow quirked again, more vaguely amused than irritated. “Nothing. I have him plopped in front of the television like the hapless child he is. I’ve been pushing and _pushing_ him to fuck you, but he’s a fragile little thing.” The demon yanked down from his collar, snapping open a few buttons on his shirt. He sauntered toward Rey, unhurried. “My name is Kylo Ren, and I’ve been watching you for a very long time.”

Fear kicked in like a jolt through the heart. Rey stumbled back into the doorway, terrified, and made a run for the front door. Artoo didn’t move a muscle as she jiggled the handle and fumbled with the deadbolt to no avail—neither would move an inch. She glanced back and shrieked when she found him standing _right behind her_.

Kylo didn’t try to grab her. He watched her run for the couch, hoping the dog would unfreeze and defend her, but poor Artoo just whimpered and shivered. Rey circled around for the kitchen again. What did he want?! What was he going to do?!

He licked his lips, eerie gaze tracking her steps. “I’ve done some leaping from human to human throughout my life—always selecting the weakest in the herd to drain and dump. Eventually I found myself nestled in your mother, who should have been another easy flesh bag to suck dry. Found her sucking dick for a dimebag. She was almost _too_ pathetic.” Kylo tilted his head, studying Rey as he skulked closer. “Then I found you.”

 “Get away from me!” she demanded. “Get—get away from me!”

 “I’m not one for sentimentality, but I liked you: frail, scrappy little thing you were. Different from my usual faire. Different from most humans. So I’d ebb and flow between humans, hoping to keep the paws of your mother’s ‘clients’ off you, and eventually found myself trapped in one. Ben, who had been one of my many suits at that time.

“I couldn’t escape; couldn’t drive him to drop out of fucking college, either. Too strong. I waited and waited, chipping away to assume control and find you, and as luck would have it, you came to me.”

None of it made sense. She’d never seen Father Ben in her entire life before school; they never even lived in the same area, and Rey never felt ‘protected’ when her mother’s johns came to visit. She knocked over a chair as she backed away, mind racing to find an escape, but Kylo loomed ahead, broad and threatening.

He slapped a bloody hand hard on the wall. “I tried convincing him to fuck you. Used the usual sympathy he likes so much; played up our bond. He’s been sliding back down the road that leads to me getting what I want, but he started considering exorcism, and I knew my time was up.”

 “I… I… I don’t u-understand!” Rey shook her head as traitorous tears welled up. “I don’t understand!”

 “I know. Poor little Rey, still huddling in a dark corner with her puzzles trying to ignore her mother getting plowed on the couch for a fix.” Kylo pouted his lower lip as he slipped around the corner after her, lithe like a snake. “I’ll protect you from the other humans. I protect Ben, don’t I? Keep Snoke under lock and key most days, unless I need to shake things up a bit.”

 “Who is that?” She fought to ignore the memories of men grunting and her mother whimpering only a few feet away. Latched on to something else. “Is that the other one?”

Kylo grinned, lips receding past his gums, baring rows of doll-like fangs. “Very good, little one. Very good. He joined me many years back and while I _could_ force him out, he’s very useful in keeping Ben the sniveling whelp he is.” His stance shifted as they turned the corner and he rose back to his full height, dark eyes on hers. His grin kept growing, distorting his face. “Why don’t we play the rubbing game, Rey?”

Rage overwhelmed fear—Rey slapped him across the face. His jaw jerked and he grunted in surprise but she was already running, fleeing for the stairs to lock herself in the bedroom. She had to hide. If she couldn’t leave the house, she just had to avoid _him_.

Kylo came after her in a heartbeat, footfalls heavy on the stairs. She ran down the hallway without looking back; if she looked back she might fall or see his horrible teeth. Rey bolted into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her and twisting the lock before he reached it.

A low, animal growl filtered through, quickly lilting to a high-pitched screech like laughter. He scratched the wood like a frenzied cat and she staggered back, looking for a weapon. Holy shit. Holy shit.

 “Never gonna stop loving you, honey,” Kylo moaned in the same eerie, soft voice from a few nights ago. “My very favorite friend.” He groaned deep and laughed again. “ _Build Me Up Buttercup_ was Snoke’s favorite song. Isn’t that quaint?”

 “Leave me ALONE!” Rey screamed. She snatched a hair dryer from under the sink, panting, pouring sweat. Her knuckles whitened. “GET AWAY FROM ME!”

 “You’re the only girl I play with, you know.” The scratching grew louder, echoing in the bathroom. “The rubbing game is my Rey’s favorite game, isn’t it? Making stickies with me.” His voice dropped, guttural and angry. “It’ll be our little secret.”

Sobbing, Rey watched as the turn lock on the handle _slowly_ twisted upright with a soft click. She held out the hair dryer even as the handle turned and the door creaked open with a gentle brush across the floor. Her arms trembled; she could barely see through the tears.

Kylo loomed in the darkness with a small smile on his lips. Rey sniffled and the hair dryer rattled in her grasp but she didn’t back down. He had his hands in his pockets, head cocked.

 “Why are you crying, Rey?” he cooed. “You know you like this.”

 “Leave him alone, you son of a bitch!”

He blinked. “Well, that’s rude. I’m just giving him what he wants. I can even wake him up from his cartoon if you’d like. So he can watch.”

 “He doesn’t want to do it!”

 “Oh, he does. He _really_ does. You two would lie in bed all day mesmerized by tits if I didn’t get the ball rolling.” Kylo nudged the door open further with his foot, smiling pleasantly. “He likes masturbating to the fantasy of you sitting in his lap in one of your pretty little skirts. We can get straight to the main event or start simple.”

 “I’m—I’m not—” Rey huffed, suddenly blushing. “I’m not having _sex_ with you!” She tried to pass over the new information about Ben jerking off thinking about her, but… wow. Really?

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Fine, awkward dry humping it is. Come along. I want more and I’m not going to keep chasing you like a jackass.”

 “No! Fuck you!”

A muscle jumped in his cheek. Something held him back from outright attacking and Rey wasn’t sure exactly what. She glared up at him, flipping through the possibilities and trying to keep herself focused. How would she get out of this?

The demon huffed irately. He said he tried to protect her—worried about her. Maybe he had a shred of morality.

She swallowed, sizing him up. Kylo could get rid of the other thing in Ben and just used it to keep him under control. If that horrible _thing_ was gone, maybe she could work on flushing out the other one.

 “Get rid of the other demon,” she blurted.

He raised an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

 “You heard me. Get rid of Snoke.”

 “And what do I get in return?”

Rey hesitated. She definitely wanted… sex… but didn’t know if Ben did. He was so nervous being touched. Even if he didn’t know what was going on, it wasn’t right to do… things with his body. But that was all the twisted thing watching her wanted.

Kylo’s tongue roamed his inner cheek. “Tell you what.” He waved a hand and the hair dryer suddenly flew out of Rey’s hands and shattered into the wall. She jumped, startled, then he was right in front of her. “I’ll take care of Snoke and give Ben a commercial break—generous, really—and we’ll have visits on weekends.” A long finger propped up her chin. “This body is as much mine as Ben’s. I’m not averse to sharing, as long as I get to play along.”

 “That’s _horrible_. You can’t just use his body!”

 “Why not? He uses me to keep from having another mental breakdown. Tit for tat.” Dark eyes studied her lips as he spoke. “How does that sound?”

 “Will you ever let him go if I don’t?”

The demon smiled. “Never.”

Poor Ben, trapped in his own body forever, at the mercy of some horrible monster. Again. Rey clenched her jaw and averted her gaze to the floor, torn between two variations of saving him. What else was she supposed to do? Say no and look for an exorcist for the exorcist?

Tears came back. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I just want him to be happy and safe. It’s... It’s the least he deserves.”

 “I know you do, my sweet little Rey. My two fragile humans. Ho hum.” Kylo’s lips brushed her forehead. “So? Do we have a deal?”

Rey hesitated, then nodded once. “…Yes.”

He sighed softly and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Thick arms wrapped around her and she cried again as Kylo gathered her to his chest. She sank into the touch she craved so much and he was more than happy to oblige. This was _sick_.

 “Don’t cry, dove,” he murmured. “You’ll learn to sing for me in your gilded cage.”


	17. Salve Regina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI

The change in Father Ben was immediate. His dark eyes weren’t so forlorn and empty and he smiled a bit during class, particularly when hovering around Rey. She returned the clandestine smiles and gnawed her pencil, unsure of whether or not she should tell him about the deal she made with Kylo.

She should… but Ben was sleeping better, and eating more, and if he knew then that might all go away. He deserved to have a rest for once in his life; for someone else to shoulder some of the burden.

So Rey kept her mouth shut and waited for the weekend with growing dread. She had no idea what Kylo had in store for her, but knew he wouldn’t force her. Odd for that to not be in the wheelhouse of a _demon_ , particularly for one that enjoyed tormenting humans so much.

On Friday night she took Artoo for his walk in the snowy woods; his first with Rey since his master’s mental breakdown. Father Ben met her at home afterwards, smiling and already cooking dinner over the stove. Soup. Chicken noodle?

He helped Rey out of her coat and turned the lock just past her head. Artoo wandered off to lie in his bed.

 “I’m glad you visited tonight,” Ben said. He hung up her coat and touched the small of her back where her blouse met her skirt. “Have a seat. I’ll be back with the soup and drinks—did you want iced tea?”

 “Yes please.”

Rey watched him walk off before settling herself on the couch. She drummed her fingers in her lap, resisting the urge to chew her nails down to the quick. Maybe he knew about Kylo and wanted to stop her. Maybe he was on the verge of another breakdown.

Father Ben returned with a tray. He offered Rey a steaming bowl and she eagerly wrapped her chilled fingers around it. He rubbed his mouth as he settled in his spot beside her, obviously agitated or nervous, dark eyes flickering about the room. Rey blew on a spoonful of soup and waited for him to speak.

He wrung his huge hands. “I’ve been offered a position in Rome.”

She froze with the spoon in her mouth. _Rome?_

Ben noticed her shocked expression and smiled weakly. He nodded, sipping his iced tea, and gave her a small pat on the knee. Did this mean he was leaving her behind like none of this ever happened? Was he running away to Europe just because of her?

The thought of being abandoned almost made Rey burst into tears. She placed her bowl of soup back on the tray as her appetite vanished into thin air. Oh god. She would be alone again.

He gathered both of her shaking hands in his own, covering them at the top and bottom. She couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes and feel the sting of rejection. He’d apologize and feel guilty but he’d leave her all the same and she would have to pick up the pieces. Rome. That was an ocean away.

 “I want you to come with me, Rey.”

She blinked back traitorous tears blurring her vision and choked on a laugh. “What?”

 “I want you to come with me.” Ben shifted closer, squeezing her hands. He nuzzled her hair. “It’s quiet, just a small parsonage in the countryside. There’s no internet and quite frankly, the plumbing may be lacking, but it’s quiet and stocked with books. You can live with me. I’ll tell them you’re my niece.”

Rey kept laughing. God… now he wanted her to run away to Europe _with_ him and the demon inhabiting his body. That was insane. She couldn’t go live with her teacher in the middle of nowhere. She couldn’t abandon her life here, even if it was tiresome.

Ben craned his neck, trying to meet her eyes. “I know it’s a lot to take in. I’m sorry to put it on you like this, but… we could be together without having to worry.”

 “Together?” Rey echoed. She sniffled, risking meeting his dark, needy eyes. “You… you want to _be_ with me?”

 “Yes. I do.” He searched her gaze, jaw clenched. “I shouldn’t, but I do. I’m not sure how or to what extent but I know if I leave you here and go to Europe, whatever tethers us together will rip my heart out of my chest.” Ben’s throat bobbed as he reached up to cup Rey’s cheek. “And I think it will hurt you just as much.”

She nodded emphatically, biting back tears until a sob worked through. Father Ben kissed her delicately on the lips with a soft ‘shh’ before he gathered her between his thighs on the couch. He leaned against the arm to keep her sitting up and reached to the tray for one of the bowls.

 “Eat,” he said gently. “I know you’re hungry.”

Rey ate fast. Her terror at being abandoned had changed into excitement and bliss—Father Ben wanted her and he wasn’t going to leave her behind. She leaned against his hard chest while he sipped his own soup above her, and her mind wandered to fantasies of them alone in the countryside.

No one could interfere. They’d have a new life together without the baggage following them and it would be all their own.

She set aside her bowl when she was through and Ben did the same. After finishing her drink she felt much better and wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. She sniffled and took a shaky breath. Everything was going to be okay.

Warm breath tickled her ear. “Won’t that be a romantic getaway?”

Rey jerked forward but only caught a glimpse of Kylo’s smug smirk over her shoulder before he dragged her back. She drove her elbow into his ribs, panicking at his sudden appearance even though she’d already agreed to _things_ with him on the weekend.

The demon heaved a sigh. “Let’s not begin on a bad note, dear. We’ve just had supper.”

 “It’s not the weekend!”

 “Close enough, don’t you think?” Kylo turned her around on the couch, squeezing her upper arms and smiling. His eyes had shifted again, now sharp and penetrating instead of guarded like Ben’s. “So, shall we start with more reading of the scripture, or…”

She reddened. What a creep.

 “Let him go!” Rey demanded. She pushed his broad chest and tried worming her feet against his stomach. “We were still talking!”

 “You’ll have plenty of time to talk Ben’s ear off while he cries and suckles your tits like the infant he is.” Kylo seized her ankles, wrenching them apart and forcing her calves to circle his hips. He smiled as he leaned forward and Rey flopped back on the couch. “I can always leave him stranded on his little vacation.”

 “D-Did you get rid of—of him?”

 “Snoke? Yes. Haven’t you noticed Benny sleeping more and sniveling less? Do you miss the angst, because quite frankly, I found it _tiring_.”

Rey barely clapped her hands on Kylo’s face before he could kiss her on the lips. He grunted and pried them away but only kissed the corner of her mouth as she twisted her face toward the couch cushion. Her pulse fluttered at his sharp, derisive laugh.

This didn’t feel right; letting Kylo use Father Ben’s body to do things he _didn’t_ want to do. Or maybe he did, but he couldn’t say it out loud—though inviting a teenage girl to live with him in Rome seemed a bit beyond a couple stolen kisses.

Kylo ripped through Rey’s blouse buttons with a quick pass of one big hand. She squealed and thrashed, shocked by his brazenness in comparison to Ben’s, and he shortly had her thrown over his shoulder. Artoo watched dolefully from the corner of the living room as she protested and pounded on Kylo’s back all the way upstairs. What the—?!

He carried her to the bedroom before she could get another complaint out. Kylo dropped her hard on her back so she bounced a bit even as he crawled on top of her. Rey scrambled back toward the pillows and he crept along with her, grinning all the way.

 “Let’s not make this awkward,” he implored. His smile kept growing until it distorted his face like the first time they met. Sharp fangs glinted along his gums. “Why don’t we try something from Benny’s memory bank, hm? No need to skitter away from me.”

She grimaced, shrinking away from his dripping mouth until he suddenly leaned back on his calves. Kylo pulled at the blouse now hanging open across Rey’s chest and she rolled on her stomach—which just made it easier for him to pull the thing off. He cast it aside and made short work of her undershirt as well, tearing through it with no hesitation.

Warm palms grasped her around the hips, pushing down, thumbs rubbing small circles along her spine. She shuddered at the touch, but not entirely from revulsion or fear. No one had touched her like that in a very long time and it felt kind of nice. Her skin tickled, humming with anticipation.

Kylo’s hands skated up to her ribs. “Look at all this pretty skin. Soft and warm.” He tore through her bra strap next and lifted it away, leaving her in just her skirt and little else. “I could eat you up, little one.”

 “Get—Get _off_!”

 “No, no. We have an agreement.”

Rey jerked an elbow into his ribs and shoved back with her butt into his groin. He grunted and tried getting her back under control but she rolled and fell off the bed in a pile, quickly crossing her arms to cover her chest. Heart pounding, she struggled to get on her feet and run like hell for the door.

Kylo snagged her arm. She shrieked and thrashed, panicking at the thought of him pinning her down. He dropped her over the edge of the bed and seized her jaw to keep her from moving anywhere.

He narrowed his eyes. “I can keep him locked away forever, if that’s what you prefer—or you can do what you already agreed to.”

Rey glared at him but kept her mouth shut. Fine. If she didn’t have a choice.

Kylo leaned back with a smug smile, hands trailing down the plane of her belly. His fingers crept under her skirt to the hem of her panties and gently slid them down her thighs until they fell to the floor.

 “Pink. Cute.” He snapped his fingers and motioned to the head of the bed. “Get under the sheets.”

 “I—I don’t want to—”

 “I’m not fucking you. _Get under the sheets._ ”

Scowling, Rey did as she was told. Kylo tugged off her socks along the way and crept to the other side of the bed to crawl in behind her.

Sheets rustled as he settled in and she heard the distinct sound of a zipper drawing down. Kylo nipped her earlobe, curling his hard, warm body up to Rey’s, and her cheeks flushed with heat. Was he taking his pants off? Please not that. God. Weird.

 “What are you doing?!” she hissed.

 “Nothing _you_ need to worry about.” He nuzzled her hair, and Rey shivered. An arm wrapped under the pillows. “We’re going to start nice and easy. I want you to touch yourself—and you can be as quiet as you’d like. I know you don’t like dirty talk.”

She squirmed nervously. “You… you mean like…?”

 “Mhm.” He crooked his arm, caging her against him with his forearm barred over her collarbone and a big hand holding her shoulder. “Go ahead. I want to listen.”

 “That’s weird.”

He sighed, frustrated. “Pretend I’m not here.”

Ugh… like that was possible. Rey swallowed, gazing at the opposite wall, and slowly complied with his request. Her hand flitted under her skirt between her thighs, seeking the slick warmth there. Kylo’s aggression was _a little_ hot.

His lips wandered along her neck, sucking and licking wherever he could reach. Rey tilted her jaw to give him better access and stroked through her soft folds, lingering around the top where it felt the best. It was the weirdest thing she’d ever done, but she liked feeling Father Ben bearing his weight down on her.

Kylo. Not Ben.

True to his word, he didn’t speak. Rey moved her fingers curiously, trying to find what she liked while Kylo kissed across the skin he could reach with his mouth. She closed her eyes and thought of Father Ben, which wasn’t hard with _his_ body pushing up behind her. He breathed softly in her hair, occasionally breaking a low groan. Was he…?

Otherwise, the bedroom, the house, was quiet. Snow drifted past the window and fell wet and silent to the ground while they both moved with hot, unsteady breaths. Rey rubbed her thumb across her clit (was that the name?) and rolled her hips into the careful motions of her hand. Tension grew under her fingers until it became single-minded need and she almost forgot about the demon smelling her hair.

Kylo’s breath hitched and he muttered a curse into her shoulder. His hand shifted from that spot and groped for her breast instead, thumb idly rolling across her nipple. Rey whimpered, huffing a gasp at the new sensation, and finally, _finally_ —

Her hand was suddenly pulled away, leaving her teetering on the edge. She hissed and yanked on Kylo’s grip around her wrist but he refused to let go. He pinned her hand along the curve of her hip and didn’t say a word about it.

What the _hell_? What was he doing?

She tugged. “Let go!”

He didn’t. Kylo continued massaging her breast, letting his fingertips stroke across her nipple every once in a while. Rey rubbed her thighs together and chewed her lower lip as the pressure mounted between her legs.

This wouldn’t do. She shifted her weight back, trying to turn over and face him, and he obliged. Rey scowled as she rolled over and immediately wished she hadn’t within seconds of meeting Kylo’s hooded dark eyes.

His hand moved deeper under the covers and she caught a glimpse of his dick. Her eyes widened at the sight of it, long and obviously hard, ruddy pink and red, and she couldn’t help staring as he slowly stroked up the length of it. His trousers hung open just enough to give him room to grasp it.

Kylo guided her hand down to his cock. Rey closed her fist around it, surprised by how soft and hot it was, and old memories came flooding back unbidden. She grimaced and pulled away, rolling supine.

He followed quietly. Kylo stayed on his side behind her and returned to nuzzling her temple, but she couldn’t see anything else under the sheets. His hand wandered down her thigh and under her skirt, teasing her slit before he dipped in her folds.

Rey stiffened, whimpering at the gentle touch. Her hips canted up rhythmically with his ministrations; she quickly came back to the edge again.

Kylo kissed her jaw and soon she felt his cock butting against her hip. He panted softly, stimulating her with one hand while the other brushed her upper arm. Rey grazed the tip of him with a lazy pass of her hand, then she grasped his length again. He eagerly pumped his hips in time with her haphazard strokes.

She tried not to make a sound when she climaxed, but her writhing legs and gasp didn’t help her hide it. Kylo groaned and choked her cheek to turn her face toward his, then he kissed her and she moaned into his mouth instead. Pleasure rippled from head to toe and slowed her strokes along his cock for a minute.

 “Come on, baby,” he whispered against her lips. He clasped his hand around hers and shifted on top of her, straddling her hips. “Doing so good.”

Rey caught her breath while Kylo masturbated over her, pumping her hand along with his. She could see his cock between them, dripping opaque shiny fluid that ran in sticky rivulets down her fingers. He rested his forehead on hers, breaths picking up, hips bucking into their shared grasp.

He shuddered. “Fuck— _fuck_.” Lips found Rey’s again and his breathing caught in a low groan.

Kylo jerked as he came, squirting white cum across Rey’s bare stomach all the way up to her chest. She broke their kiss to watch the way it spurted from his body, and he buried his face in the pillows beside her head. He grunted and squeezed her hand, guiding in long, languid strokes from the base that helped milk his cum. It dribbled down Rey’s knuckles.

He rolled off her onto his back and heaved a deep breath. His eyes closed, smile spreading across his features. The cum-covered hand lay on his stomach.

 “Ben caught some of that,” Kylo said. He laughed, turning his head to look at Rey. “Now he’s upset—but what else is new.”

Embarrassed, Rey just swallowed and turned her gaze to the ceiling. She only had a moment’s reprieve before she felt Kylo sit up and wipe his hand clean.

He crept over her, big body blocking out much of the room. She tried to scowl but could only manage to puff in annoyance as he kissed her cheek. Slowly, he kissed his way down her body, licking and sucking her skin along the way. Her nerves tingled.

Kylo’s dark eyes stayed trained on hers as he licked his cum from her nipple. He closed his warm, wet mouth around it, gently flicking his tongue for a few moments before moving on. Rey stared as he licked up the rest of the cum across her chest and stomach, and he didn’t break eye contact for a minute.

He took the hem of her skirt between his teeth and let it snap back against her skin. She reddened as Kylo drifted down further between her legs and inhaled deeply. Okay—why was he—

 “I wonder if your pussy is as soft as your hands,” he mumbled. His hands grasped her hips and he closed his eyes, tracing her slit through her skirt with the tip of his nose. “Such a sweet, soft little body. I’m sure you’ll taste lovely, too.”

Rey jerked upright against the headboard and he made no move to stop her. Kylo smiled, licking his lips, and left the bed without another word. He disappeared down the hallway, leaving her trembling amongst the pillows, dressed only in her skirt.

At least Ben would see another day.


	18. fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these two deserved a HEA so they get it!!!

Rey spent most of her time avoiding Kylo over the weekend. He didn’t bother her, instead wandering around Father Ben’s house picking at his book collection and searching through drawers. She had no idea what he was looking for.

On Sunday evening, he crawled into her bed—Ben’s bed—and she felt his warm breath on her neck.

 “Ben comes back tomorrow, as promised,” he whispered. “But I still have one more night with you, little Rey.”

 “…What do you want?”

 “You.” He emphasized what he meant by pressing his cock against her bottom, big hand on her hip. Rey swallowed a lump in her throat. “All of you.”

 “R-Right now?”

Kylo hummed, nibbling her jaw as his hand slid over the crest of her hip. “Yes.” His fingers brushed between her legs and wormed under the hem of her pajama pants. It took her breath for a moment. “I want you to roll over on your back and spread your legs for me.”

The room felt oppressively dark. Rey took a deep breath and obeyed his command, shifting her weight into his until she was flat on her back beside him. Kylo kissed her cheek up to the corner of her mouth, hand moving gently inside her panties. Her thighs spread to allow him deeper and Rey bit back moans, refusing to let this _thing_ know she liked what he was doing.

He breathed softly in her ear. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this. I won’t hurt you.” His cock stiffened against her thigh, rubbing slowly up and down. She felt it Friday night and still didn’t know how it would fit inside her body. “No need to worry, little one.”

Rey worried.

Kylo continued his ministrations down her pants, and soon she grasped his wrist and eagerly buckled against his touch. He kissed her along her jaw while she panted and squirmed until she came, whimpering, toes curling. It rippled down her thighs and turned them liquid, leaving her catching her breath and quivering as he withdrew his fingers.

He licked up her essence and moved away from her side. Rey watched Kylo pull off his shirt and throw it to the floor, soon followed by his pants, then he guided her pants and underwear from her hips. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something else. This wasn’t right. This was Father Ben’s body.

 “You come rather quickly,” Kylo said, smirking at her through the darkness. “Do you practice?”

 “Wh—I don’t know!”

He knelt between her thighs and reached forward to help pull her shirt off. Rey saw something dangling between his legs and immediately realized it was his cock, hard and uncomfortably close to her vagina. She tried closing her legs but couldn’t around his hips.

 “Relax,” he soothed. Kylo kissed the corner of her mouth and rested on his forearms, pressing their bodies together but keeping most of his weight off her. “I won’t hurt you, little Rey. Like I said, I’ve been waiting a very long time for this.”

She clung to his shoulder blades, nails digging into pale flesh. “W-Why?”

His hips shifted beneath the blankets. Rey’s heart fluttered at the first brush of his cock against her, hot and hard and alien, and her breath hitched as he kept pushing. Kylo breathed against her cheek, rolling his hips in small circles to help ease him inside her. It felt like he might rip her in two.

 “Why?” he whispered. “Why you?” He cupped the back of her head to gather her to the crook of his neck, and kissed hers. “Or why wait?”

 “Both?”

Rey winced, gasping and digging her nails in as Kylo ruthlessly pushed deeper. He drew back a bit and eased in but it didn’t seem to help her stretch or stop the pain. It reminded her of the men who would visit her mom and ask for her instead. They didn’t bother checking if she was doing okay.

Kylo piled in up to the hilt and paused there, giving a strange sensation of being stuffed full. Her thighs quivered around his hips, mind racing a mile a minute. Was he done? Was that it?

 “You were a scrappy little thing,” he said. Careful thrusts began, moving Rey along the sheets. He didn’t quite pull out the way out but she whimpered in pain nonetheless. “I enjoyed watching you take the beatings and still get up.”

Pleasure replaced pain soon enough but Kylo was still a very tight fit. He kissed her on the lips, both hands roaming down to her hips to hold her in place so he could pump harder and faster. It lifted her off the bed; made her feel like less of a person and more of a toy. She bit her lip to keep from crying out.

 “I had to wait… for the opportune moment,” he panted. He kissed her again and broke off to bite the arch of her shoulder. “ _Fuck_ you feel good—”

Kylo pounded into her, rattling the bed against the wall, punctuating his thrusts with sharp breaths. He panted on her neck and left wet, messy kisses that sometimes turned into soft bites. Soon his hands wandered elsewhere, up into her hair and along her ribs to her breasts as if he needed to touch every inch of her. Rey whimpered, clenching her thighs around his hips to bring him closer.

She complied when he asked her to turn over on her stomach. This was for Father Ben. He’d been kind to her and they’d live in Rome together, and be happy, and someday they’d have sex, too. Kylo at least gave good practice.

He laid flat across her again, arching her hips just enough to ease his cock inside. Rey widened her legs to help and flinched as he penetrated tight rings of muscle that didn’t want him to go through. She was just tense. It made sense, considering she was having sex with a demon.

Kylo shuddered, kissing her hair. His hips stuttered and he shivered again. “Fuck—little out of practice. Ben hasn’t gotten laid in years and you’re—very overstimulating.”

Kylo squeezed her hands in his in time with his thrusts. Each time he sank in, Rey would rub against the sheets in an interesting way. She could feel him throbbing inside her, slowly growing thicker and harder, and she knew that meant he was on the brink. She closed her eyes and pretended it was Father Ben lying on top of her, murmuring in her ear and taking her as gently as possible.

She bit her lower lip, shamelessly following the pleasurable sensation. Kylo seemed to enjoy the angle of shallow penetration and soon he was muttering into her neck again about how close he was getting. Rey squirmed and squirmed until _finally_ —

Kylo grunted. “Shit—shit—”

Her climax came and for the first time in ages, Rey moaned out loud; loud enough for someone else to hear. Kylo surged on and came seconds later with more cursing and brutish thrusts that slapped against her bottom. He stilled, hovering over her on his palms, then jerked forward once more.

She panted, nuzzling her face into the pillows as Kylo pressed kisses all over her scalp. He rested his forehead on the back of her head and smoothed a palm down her spine to where their bodies were still joined together. Rey shivered.

 “Lovely,” he murmured. His nose traced through her hair as he massaged her lower back. “Simply lovely.”

Rey felt him move away from her. His cum trickled from her body but she didn’t care too much about it. She closed her eyes and fell asleep alone in the bed.

—————

 “Rey?”

Sunshine filtered through the bedroom window, spilling white light across the comforter. Rey opened her eyes to find Ben crouched at the side of the bed, watching her through dark-rimmed eyes.

He smiled weakly. “It’s a school day.”

She blinked, noticing he was still in his pajamas. Her clothes were folded neatly on a chair in the corner of the room. Oof. Did he know what happened?

Rey covered her face. “I’m sorry.”

 “Don’t be sorry. Don’t be sorry.” Father Ben gently pulled back the sheet from her eyes and she saw his filling with tears. “I’m sorry. I’ve been selfish—I never should have brought you here. I’m still a selfish piece of shit after all these years.” He cupped her cheek in his palm and swallowed hard. “I just wanted you for myself and now…”

 “He said he won’t let you go.” Rey grasped Ben’s wrist and didn’t bother hiding the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I know you have hangups and… I feel bad for liking it. I only did it for you but I’m worried I hurt you even more.”

Ben laughed a little. “ _You’re_ worried about hurting _me_? I’m a grown man involved with a teenage girl—and living vicariously through the demon possessing me. I’ve dragged you into a very complicated mess and now all I want to do is take you away into something even _more_ complicated.” He stroked a thumb across her cheek, smiling ruefully. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Unfortunately, she really did. Rey wanted to hate it and still would’ve preferred Ben behind the controls, but it wasn’t an entirely bad experience. She rubbed her thighs together, tacky from dried cum, and twisted her head to kiss his palm.

He paused. She held his wrist and kept kissing his hand, then stretched up to kiss him on the lips.

Ben groaned and shook his head as he kissed her back. Rey’s heart pattered faster and she guided his hand down to her chest, pressing it to one of her bare breasts and holding him there. He squeezed gently and brushed his palm in a small circle around her nipple. Little quivers of pleasure tingled straight down her spine to the tips of her toes.

 “You need to go to class,” he whispered against her lips. Still, he trailed his mouth down her cheek to her neck, moving his palm to roll her nipple with his thumb. “I washed your clothes.”

 “That was nice of you.” Rey grabbed the front of his shirt and tugged. “But I have to shower, too. He came inside me last night.”

That got her a deeper groan. Ben finally yielded and climbed into the bed on top of her, tracing a trembling palm down her inner thigh. Rey clung to his chest as he brushed the sticky spot near her groin. He huffed a shaky breath and kept kissing her neck, shifting on his knees between her legs.

 “You really need to go to class.” His fingertips grazed along her slit and Rey reached down for the hem of his pants, eager to feel him in her hand. “They’ll wonder where you are.”

 “You’re the only one who cares about where I am.”

 “I do,” Ben mumbled. His fingers slipped deeper through her folds, touch more hesitant than Kylo’s had been. He kissed her again and took a sharp breath as Rey’s hand grasped his length, already hard. “I’ll never leave you—you’ll always be with me.”

They pushed down his pants together and managed to get them past his knees. Ben cupped Rey’s jaw as he kissed her and worked his hand between her thighs, rocking his hips in time with her stroking his cock. She was way too impatient to wait; she wrapped her legs around his hips and he took the hint.

Normally she hated talking but she found she wanted to hear him this time. It didn’t take any urging.

 “Now… I’m really going to Hell,” he said, voice straining as his cock met her center. He brushed her hair back with a broad sweep of his palm and kissed her again. “Do you want me to stop?”

Rey shook her head quickly. “No, no—are you okay?”

 “I think so.” Ben pressed in just enough to envelop his head in her heat and shuddered. “I watched you last night. Decided I needed to try, but… didn’t want to scare you.” He moved slower than Kylo and took deep breaths that made Rey worry he couldn’t handle it. “I’m fine. I want to come inside you.”

She combed her fingers through his thick hair the way she’d wanted to for months. Getting on top was a little daunting but maybe it would help him relax.

 “Should I…?” she whispered. “Get on top?”

 “Honestly, it’s probably too… stimulating.” Ben kissed her neck, gently rocking his hips to push deeper. “If you’re uncomfortable—”

 “No, no; I’m fine! I’m okay.” She nuzzled into the crook of his neck to drive home her point. He sighed, obviously relieved. “I’m… I’m kind of glad you’re nervous, too. Sorry.”

He laughed and she smiled at the sound. It didn’t feel as daunting as it did last night. She could see his body moving under the sheets, smell the shampoo in his hair. Birds sang to each other outside. All was quiet and calm and almost perfect.

 “Don’t want me to throw you down and fuck you?” he asked.

 “Well, maybe eventually. But this is nice.”

Ben took his time, never quite reaching thrusting motions, but slowly rocking against Rey. It felt much better than the pounding from Kylo and she was able to angle her hips in a way that made her come. He shivered and panted in her ear, kissing wherever he could reach until he found her lips again.

Rey grasped his hips and swallowed hard. Their eyes briefly met, and she felt a stroke of smug satisfaction at the glassy pleasure in his. He kissed her again, hard and intense, thrusting a little faster.

 “I love you,” she mumbled. She grasped his face in her hands and gave him another kiss. “I love you, Ben.”

 “Love you too, Rey. Love you too.” His eyebrows raised and he huffed a sharp breath, fisting his hand in her hair. “God, I forgot how good this feels—don’t wanna stop. Can I come inside you?” She just nodded and he pulled a little harder. Excitement tingled up her spine. “Say it. I want to hear it.”

 “Please come… please come in me?”

 “That’s my girl. Skipping school and begging for teacher’s cum.”

Jeez. Rey nodded and pressed her forehead to his, weirdly turned on by what he said. _Say more_.

Ben slowed for a minute, groaning. “God, the things I want to do to you. Not proper—or strictly legal.” His breath hitched and he moved again, breathing hard on her neck. She focused on the sensation of his cock stroking in and out and the way his weight felt on top of her. Secure. “Rey, baby— _Rey_ —”

She curled around him as he climaxed with a soft gasp. His body stiffened and he thrust harder, cock twitching and filling her like Kylo had the night before. Rey closed her eyes and listened to his moans of pleasure, satisfied that she made him feel so good. It didn’t seem like it would happen when they first met.

Ben caught his breath in the pillows and laughed again. She blinked and frowned.

 “Sorry,” he panted, “it’s just… I just forgot how good sex feels when you’re sober.” He raised his head to look down at her, black hair a tousled mess. His smile was genuine though, not one of the small ones he offered her most days. “And I’ve never loved the woman I was with.”

Rey cocked her head. “Really?” Her cheeks flushed with heat. “What about doing it sober?”

 “Rarely. Wasn’t sober much.” Ben kissed her, letting his forehead rest on hers. His cum slowly leaked from her body but she didn’t care much. She wanted to lie in bed forever. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Do you want me to get up?”

No, she didn’t want that. Rey shook her head and kissed him back, and rolled him over in the sheets until they wrapped up together. They laughed and the tight sheet did interesting things to their bodies, and soon Ben was hard again. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and slowly rolled his hips, cock stroking along her sensitive inner walls.

 “No school today?” he mumbled.

 “No school today,” Rey agreed. “We… We have to figure out our travel plans.”

 “Mhm.” Ben rocked in a small circle, drawing a gasp from her. “And I don’t want to let you up.”

The afternoon sun had risen in the sky and Rey knew they needed to get a move on, but she didn’t want to shatter the moment. Everything would work out somehow. She’d move to Rome with Ben, maybe they’d get married—and neither of them would be alone ever again.

And if she happened to catch a strange look in his eyes or supernatural weirdness, she could deal with that, too: because _this_ would always be worth it.


End file.
